I WAS WRONG & I ADMIT IT
A few years ago, we had an adoptive couple come online with us. They had 1 biological daughter, 1 adopted son, and wanted to adopt again. They wanted to build their family through adoption, since the Mom had had a hysterectomy and they wanted at least 6 children. We put them online in late summer and they had a "match" in less than 2 months. Their birthmother was from N. Dakota and agreed to fly to Hawaii to give birth in December--which we then referred to as their Christmas baby. The baby was determined to be a girl (in 3 clear-cut definite sonograms) and they had picked out the name Holly Noel for her. In November of that year, they were contacted by a source that they had applied to over 2 years before. Within 24 hours they were holding a 5-day old baby girl in their arms, with the Hawaii birth due just 3 weeks later. Their birthmother had a great time in Hawaii--as the birth did not occur on schedule, but rather 3 weeks late! During this 3-week overdue time, more sonograms were taken and the 'baby girl' was doing great. Just before the end of that year, a healthy, happy, and fully developed BOY was born. Now they had 2 girls and 2 boys in their family. I thought they had their hands full; a daughter that was almost 9, a boy that was just 2, and 2 babies, just 5 weeks apart. But they wanted to adopt 2 more children and jumped right back onto the roller coaster ride. From another source they "matched" and prepared to adopt another newborn in July of the next year. The "match" fell apart in early July, and the Mom wrote me a lengthy prayer request for their hearts to heal from this disappointment. I understood their disappointment, but with my senses I determined that their prayer request to be sent out to everyone in the Christian Adoption family was too difficult for others to consider. My response to her request was tactful, but wrong. I told her that I was more than willing to join with them in prayer for the future of the child, and for their hearts to be healed. But since most of the couples online with us at that time had NO children, I felt that it was asking too much of them to pray for someone else that had 4 children with a fallen through adoption of a 5th child. I lacked compassionate understanding concerning the pain that they were suffering and I used my 5 senses to determine what others would think or feel. Without realizing it, I was cheating others of the opportunity to give, to serve, to care, to offer comfort, to empathize, and to love their brother and sister in Christ. I was trying to protect their hearts, but instead I was cheating them out of the blessing of praying for someone else in need. The adoptive Mom wrote back a letter that was loaded with disappointment and confusion about why and what and how could I not share her concerns with others. She helped me see the error in my way and although I edited her requests, the bulk of her prayer letter was sent out. But, my lack of love severed our relationship. I hurt her deeply, unknowingly, but nonetheless. That was our last correspondence and although I wrote her an apology, our relationship came to an abrupt end. I was wrong and I admit it. I've made many such mistakes and I've apologized and tried to repair the damage done.
Whenever I have walked in love and responded as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would, rather than consider the situation with my 5 senses, blessings and deliverance are the result. WOW! What a difference we can make! Not only in this lifetime, but for all eternity.
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A non-profit Christian and Internet service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption process.
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337