SPECIAL NEEDS
Written by adoptive Mom to-be Tabitha.
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
I must admit that I was completely taken back to learn that one of our children will be born with challenges, but now I look back and I can see that God has been preparing me for years.
Four years ago, In January 1997, I suffered a small and unexplained stroke that left me physically impaired on my dominant side, stripped me for a short while of my logic and reasoning skills, and led to a nervous breakdown. There are things I just cant do anymore-I cant do the small, fine medieval calligraphy that I used to enjoy, and embroidery is not as easy as it used to be but all in all I can do everything that I need to do. I don't consider myself impaired physicallly. I lost the ability to place names to faces easily, and the ability to plan out a schedule for myself--instead of having a memory that allowed me to remember what I was doing for the next 6 months, I have to write every little appointment down or I will undoubtedly forget. Although my IQ is listed at 146, I now have an occasional dearth of practical intelligence and often the simplest things boggle my mind.
Because I know what it is like to be frightened and confused when the words in my head cannot be expressed by my lips, I have been gifted with a special understanding and compassion for those with brain damage. It is not a gift that I would have asked for--I would instead prefer something easier. Because I know what it is like to be bruised from head to toe because my body has betrayed me, I can understand the frustration of having limbs that do not move exactly the way you want them to.
Last summer I was asked to substitute teach the 9-11 year old Sunday school class. In that class was a Downs Syndrome woman, aged 41, and she was quite the challenge. Marilyn is unlike anyone I have ever dealt with before, having both physical and mental handicaps. Teaching her, including her, and struggling to make sure that she didnt feel left out was quite an experience. Again, not an experience or lesson that I would have asked for, especially on the day that she pummeled me with her Bible.
When I announced to my family that we were adopting, my Uncle Rick approached me with the possibility of adopting a special needs child, and he shared with me his experiences with my cousin Sarah, who is deaf and who has had many, many other problems. I told him that we werent ready for that--I mean, we dont even know how to be parents yet under perfect conditions (whatever those are). Maybe someday when weve learned the ropes.
My lawyer asked me just last week, out of the blue, what we would do in the event of a physical and/or mental disability. Of course, now that we love our twins-to-be baby boys, my answer was simple. I 'm far more likely to give birth to a baby with a defect than Stacy is. I certainly wouldnt drop off my own biological child on the street corner, and so whats the difference?
And so now that resolve is called to the test, but Mick and I are resolute. The babies are ours, their challenges are our challenges, and we love them even more now than we did last night. Even more now, I want to gather them up in my arms and protect them.
If Baby B, who we are unsure of the sex of, has physical impairments, then those first steps will be our greatest joy and triumph. If Baby B has mental impairments, then those first words are going to be far sweeter than a symphony.
If we had not matched so early, I cannot say for certain that I would have welcomed the situation. As Stacy said through her tears this morning, No one else in the world would want these babies except you. I would like to think that she was wrong, but how many people would take Bi-racial twins when one has a birth defect? Maybe if she was 7 or 8 months along I would have directed her to another adoptive couple. But I'm thankful that it happened this way. Already I cannot imagine my life without these babies or their birthmother and grandmother.
I guess the reason for writing is this--we just cant dictate how and when God will bless us. Everyone needs to be blessed differently, and you probably have no idea how you can best be blessed. I wouldnt have asked for a stroke, I wouldnt have asked for multiple miscarriages--in fact, I could have done nicely without the last 4 years of my life. But I wouldnt change anything now except to give Baby B the best health in the world. I have faith though, that this will work out for the best--it certainly has so far.
Of course, it is Gods plan that matters--not ours.
So listen to His still, small voice and follow it. You wont be disappointed.
Tabitha
Mick & Tabitha did successfully adopt twin boys. Baby B--Andrew was born with Spina Bifida and is growing and developing beautifully!
For more information please read Stacy and Birthmothers. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
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