CHRISTIAN ADOPTION: Jane

LEAVING THE PAST BEHIND

This was written by Jane, her name has been changed to protect her privacy.

(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)

I spoke to Deborah recently and she asked me as she always does, "Is there anything that I can do for you?" And she is doing it by being there when I have questions. Her comment was to me that I must have had a very supportive upbringing and family. This could not be further from the truth. So I began to share a little with her and she asked if I wouldn't mind sharing a little of my life and testimony with you for encouragement. So here it is: I didn't come from a supportive family at all, my parents divorced when I was 2, they went on with their lives and mine just kind of went into limbo. My life actually feels like a fog, like I was on the outside looking in and waiting for someone to finally notice me. See I was what you called a compliant child. (I was pliable.) I did whatever was asked and expected of me. My father married when I was 4. My new stepmother decided that she did not want me around because I was a connection to my mother, so she proceeded to make me feel unwanted and my father's visits became Christmas and Birthdays. My mom re-married when I was 6 to a very abusive man, physically and mentally. My mother worked 2nd shift all of my life so she was asleep when I got myself up and ready for school and running out the door when I came home from school. I was blessed with a grandmother who loved me very much, but she was working herself so she didn't know all that was going on. My new step-father and older step-brother made my life miserable and had me afraid to tell my mom what was going on, and any time I attempted to tell my mom anything she would tell me to fight my own battles that she couldn't deal with it. Finally when I was 8 my stepfather got in one of his usual rages and ended up holding a gun to our heads. I don't remember what happened after that because I used to black out when I was extremely afraid. All I know is that when I came around, he was gone. He tried to abduct me from school the following week but I spotted him before he spotted me and I hid. We then got a restraining order on him, and found out that he had had a record with the police and had served some jail time in the past for this sort of thing. My mom divorced him. When I was 10 she met someone else, as usual I was not consulted. She got pregnant when I was 12 and got married. I got a beautiful baby sister, I was thrilled with that part. She still worked 2nd shift. This husband never laid a hand on me, he did something worse, he completely ignored me. I mean literally acted as if I did not exist. He was an alcoholic so he wouldn't come home until just before my mom would get home from work. So I would come home from school and take care of my baby sister. She's probably the only thing that kept me sane, I taught her everything and she learned so easy, she was my little twiggy! But eventually my sister got a little older and out of diapers, then my stepfather began to spend time with her and left me all alone. I became more isolated and depressed. Depression eventually took over my life and almost took it, I did not want to live. I took pills, tried slitting my wrists and became anorexic. Soon after I turned 17 I was hospitalized near death from starvation. But that was finally the wake up call for my mom. See I was the quiet child, the good child that never got in trouble or rebelled, so everyone thought I was okay. My mom began to change her life and make amends for all the hurt she had put me through in my life, but it has been a slow healing process, I struggled with my eating disorder until just a few years ago. My mom's third marriage has also since come to an end. But about 6 ½ years ago now I learned what it was to have a relationship with Jesus, not just knowledge of Jesus and he has been mending all of my wounds. He has removed my depression, led me to a wonderful church that I have been able to grow in, they are my family. He has enabled me to forgive my mother, who also attends the church that I go to now. I no longer suffer from my eating disorder. He has replaced all of the hurt with peace, joy and contentment and I am so truly thankful. I don't know why He hasn't allowed us to have children on our own. But what I do know is that He is love and He is all-knowing. He has opened all of the doors for us so far and I am trusting that He is going to see us through. It may not happen as quickly as I would like for it to, but I can't see the whole picture--only He can and He knows what is best for us. I do pray that He has a child for us, we desire a child very very much, but I know that if for some reason it is not in His plan for us to be parents I'll be alright, because I am fullfilled now, my life is complete now in Christ. Having our own child will just make my heart overflow with unspeakable joy and I long for this, but my identity is in Christ--not a child. I hope this letter has been an encouragement, God has taken what the adversary planned for evil and turned it into good. All of the pain that I endured has made me stronger with the help of God and God has allowed me to touch and help others that have been through similar circumstances, and there is no greater feeling than the feeling of working for God. I encourage all to slow down and stop--just bask in the presence of the Lord. He loves you so much and just wants you to make Him first in your life. He wants there to be no idols in front of Him and idols are anything that we place in front of God or that absorb all of our time, efforts and thoughts. I thank you for reading this and my prayer is that you are blessed.

Your sister in Christ,

Jane

Jane and her husband successfully adopted a beautiful baby girl a few months after submitting this to Christian Adoption.

For more information please read Simple and Deal. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.

adoption@christianadoption.com

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