HUSBANDS & WIVES
This record of God's deliverance was written by Hope, one of our Christian Adoption Moms. May her bold example remind us to trust in our great God.
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
(Ephesians 5:22-24)
Most women like to skip right over those verses. I'll admit they're not among my favorites. In the next set of verses, husbands are exhorted to love their wives as Christ loves the church. But God didn't say that wives are exempt if we don't receive that kind of love. I have not always practiced that kind of submission. Adding a child to our family is one area in which I was in open rebellion for awhile.
My husband is a wonderful Christian man who loves me with all his heart. I have nothing but respect for him, even through difficult times. Less than a year after we were married, we decided to try to have a child, and I got pregnant right away. We miscarried early in the pregnancy. I wanted a child desperately. My husband, who was luke-warm about the idea to begin with, said if we were meant to be parents the miscarriage would not have happened. He used it to support his position that it was God's way of saying 'no.'
But I pushed the issue. I researched fertility treatments, adoption, and foster care. Finally we signed up with a local church-affiliated agency for foster/adoptive parent training. During the class, we found that our niece was in a bad home situation and we kept her during the following school year. Shortly after our niece left, the agency social worker contacted us. We'd done such a wonderful job with our niece, she had said, would we please consider taking another nine-year-old as a foster child. We really wanted a younger child, but we prayed about it, met the child, and opened our home to her. She was available to adopt and I plunged in with high hopes. Dragging my husband behind me.
To say that our two months as foster parents were challenging would be an understatement. My husband and I seldom argued before that. During that time, we argued constantly. We seldom raised our voices. During that time tempers flared and the volume stayed on high. The little girl turned out to be severely emotionally disturbed and she was ultimately removed from our home and placed in a secured psychiatric facility.
I was ready to jump right back into foster care. My husband, however, had had enough. He told me he never wanted to hear "child" mentioned in our house again. He told me: don't ask, don't bring it up, don't mention it. Never again. No more. Finished. End of discussion.
Well, I had a decision to make. I could probably have talked him back into it. He loves me and he knew how much I wanted to be a mother. But the year we had our niece and the foster child had not been a happy one in our home. I knew that continuing to insist on my way was not going to improve our lives. We had tried it my way and it hadn't worked.
I spent time with God and repented to Him - and to my husband - for not submitting. It was among the hardest things I've done in my life. It was killing my dream. I had kept hoping that we'd have a biological child - it didn't work out that way. I kept hoping that adoption would work out, then foster care. It didn't work out that way, either. I knew that God gives us the desires of our hearts, so I gave Him the desire and asked Him to take it away.
I can't say that everything got fine after that. I still had a deep ache in my heart for a child. At first, I prayed fervently that God would change my husband's heart. Then, I prayed fervently that He would change mine. I was able to focus on other things. Our relationship solidified. We spent time ministering to teen-agers. My husband kept saying, "We may not have our own children, but these are our kids." After a while I stopped telling him how much the comment hurt. I struggled to keep my mouth shut, even when my husband asked if he was being selfish by saying no to children, knowing how much I wanted to be a mother. I told him he did what he had to do and he was the head of our family.
About a year ago, our closest friends began to pursue adoption. I tried to share in their joy as they planned and researched and finally got a solid lead. That Thanksgiving, they came to visit, busy with anticipation of a son who would be born after the holidays. They said they needed to put someone in their wills as a guardian of their child and hinted strongly that we volunteer.
When they had left, my husband said we should offer. I told him absolutely not. A child needed to be brought up in a family in which he was wanted by both parents. That would certainly not be the case in our home; he had made it very clear that he wanted nothing at all to do with children. I told him there was no way we would put a child in that kind of situation.
My husband's reaction shocked me. He said nothing for a long time - then he wept. And told me God was changing his heart. He had been noticing the babies in church lately and how cute they were. This was the first I'd ever heard him say babies were cute. He'd listened to our friend's plans and it had stirred his heart. He was thinking about being a father. But, he admitted, he was afraid. He asked me, "What do you think?"
I told him, "You know what I think. This isn't about what I think. This is between you and God. You seek Him, and when the two of you make a decision, you let me know." Then I refused to talk about it. Every time he asked me about what I thought, I referred him back to God. My wonderful, godly husband spent many hours on his face in prayer, earnestly seeking our Lord's will.
A couple of months later, he came to me and said, "I think I've heard from God. I think He is telling us to adopt, but I'm scared to death." I told him, "Then you have a choice to make. You can say, 'No. I'm scared and I won't do it.' If you choose that, we will never discuss children again. I give you my word. You'll have to deal with God, and not with me. Or you can say, "God, I'm scared to death but I believe I've heard Your will for me. So I'll obey, and trust You to work in spite of my fear."
My husband, with tears in his eyes, said, "Let's go for it."
Shortly after that, we contacted Deborah Hill, with Christian Adoption. Many months later, at the time of this writing, we are "matched" and awaiting a baby. This road, too, has been full of rocks. We had many leads, even one "match" that fell through. Through it all, it has been my husband who has been the strong one when I was so very ready to quit. He has vision. He has heard from God. So, we have persevered, and now we are expecting.
I can't say that God will do this for every woman who gives her yearning for a child into God's hands. Truthfully, I never expected this answer. I expected to be childless and at peace. But oh, we serve a good God, and He honors obedience to His Word. My relationship with my husband was never more solid than after I obeyed God. (Notice, I did not say when I obeyed my husband. That's just part of obeying God.) Manipulation is no way to bring a child into a family. It can only cause heartache and division. I had my share of both, and I don't recommend it.
With God, all things are possible. If He can change my situation, and my husband's heart, He can do the same and more for anyone. He is no respecter of persons. He is sovereign, awesome, and holy. And He is true to His Word, and His Word is yes and amen. Praise His name.
About 2 months after this was submitted to Christian Adoption, this husband and wife successfully adopted a baby boy!
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian
Adoption.)
For more information please read Lynda-2 and "Matched"! We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
adoption@christianadoption.com
A
non-profit Christian and Internet service ministry. We're helping others
in the adoption process.
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
http://www.christianadoption.com adoption@christianadoption.com
