MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

Written by Tabitha, submitted to us just 5 months before they successfully adopted! Names have been changed to protect privacy.

(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)

October 20, '00

It certainly seemed a tangled mess for a long while. I mean, I had a clear sign from God not only for adoption, but for Christian Adoption as well. I unofficially joined the CA family on January 20, 2000. I got to know the profiles. I prayed. I cried for joy when couples successfully adopted and I cried bitter tears when couples were moved from "matched" back into the waiting list. I never E-mailed, not wanting to intrude, but I was there, waiting too.

What I was waiting for was my husband. Slow to anger and slow to act, he carefully prays and considers his actions before moving in any one direction. Although frustrating at times, that patient consideration has provided me with the stability to withstand much.

Finally, on July 18, 2000, Mick told me that he and God were ready to adopt, and the events that transpired between that day and August 5 are recorded in "In His Time" on the web site. Many miracles were wrought in our lives to bring us on board as quickly as possible, but from the underside of the tapestry, I didn't know why. It made no sense. I just had to trust.

On July 18, something else happened. An 18-year-old college student named Stacy became pregnant--with twins. She was/is a born-again, free-Evangelical Christian.

We went online on August 5, and as I said in "In His Time," I had no idea why we had to be online then. I just knew that it was God's will, and it was probably the strongest lead I had ever received from God.

Stacy knew that she was pregnant and woke her mom, Heather, up in the middle of the night. Heather says that she did not use a particular explicative upon waking but Stacy was pretty adamant that she did! (I later told Heather that there was no particular commandment forbidding that word and some cases call for extreme reactions.)

They turned on the lights, hugged tightly, and got out God's Word. They looked up abortion in the index, read verses, and Stacy said, "No way, Mom." Heather agreed.

Then Heather asked a very important question. "Stacy, do you think that this baby belongs to you?"

"No Mom," Stacy replied, "it's someone else's."

And so Heather and Stacy began looking on the Internet, searching out couples. It was Heather who found Christian Adoption, and called Deborah. Deborah remembers counseling against "matching" with a couple so soon, and told them to pray about it. But, and this is from Heather, Deborah told them, if it is a God "match", they would know right away. Heather was also told not to tell Stacy who she was led towards, because if it was God's choice, they would both make the same decision.

Heather scrolled down through the states, looking at each name. She didn't get any farther than Iowa, because, as she described it, our names jumped off the screen at her. She wasn't looking under who was willing to take twins, because they didn't know, and she wasn't looking for who wanted a BI-racial, half Caucasian and half-Hispanic child. She was just looking at names, and we had only been listed for a few days.

When Stacy came home, Heather showed her the web site and Stacy was very interested in it, but did not know where to begin. They went back to the state listing.

"Okay Stacy," Heather said, "let's make this easier, where would you NOT want to live."

"New York," she replied quickly, and one by one they eliminated about a third of the states.

Going through the other states, Stacy printed out a few profiles and then got to ours. She says that she knew right away that we were her couple, the parents of her, at that time, child. But prudently, they waited, prayed, looked at other couples on a lot of other web sites, petitioned their church and looked at even more couples. Still, they kept coming back to us every time. They, their family, their church family and co-workers all agreed.

At 2 months, Stacy was cramping, and her Aunt took her to the hospital for an ultrasound. Alone in the room, Stacy felt very afraid and very isolated. She prayed to God for a sign that He was with her and that she was making the right decision. When the ultrasound tech came in and told her she was having twins, Stacy was even more frightened and left the room in near tears. She went to the bathroom and soon heard her Aunt banging on the door. "Stacy, look at what I found!"

Stacy came out and her Aunt had her hands cupped around something. "When you came out, I saw this on the floor outside the door." And into Stacy's hand tumbled a cross, made of Black Hills Gold, and she knew it was a sign that God was with her and was blessing her.

So, now there were twins, but Stacy never looked at the categories. She knew that we were her children's parents but resolved not to tell us until her second trimester.

And so it was October 9th, Mick's birthday. Mick is never late for flights or meetings. It is simply not in his nature. But through a series of what I believe were God-designed delays, Mick missed his flight to California. He was angry and upset at himself, but I felt God's hand in it and told him so. I hoped in the back of my mind that it was because a birthmother would call, but figured it was just God protecting Mick from an accident of some kind. I was very thankful that he was home on his 34th birthday.

When the call came, he had just arrived home and was in the shower.

"Hi, I'm looking for Tabitha?"

"Hi, that's me!"

"Hi, my name is Stacy and I'm calling about your web page on Christian Adoption. I'm having twins and I think, no, I know that you are the family that God wants me to place my babies with."

<Insert completely dumb-sounding garbled words here>. "Oh? Wow. Okay. Um. How are you feeling hon?"

"Fine," she laughed, and it was a beautiful laugh. I could hear a loving and supportive mother in the background, and she was laughing too!

I proceeded to mumble incoherently while she sounded brilliant, only to find out the next night that she had thought the same--except that she was the one with delusions of sounding incoherent.

Neither of us sound incoherent when we speak now! We are sisters. We are friends. She is the mother of my children and I love her. And my children--chosen by God at conception, mentally placed by their birthmother within days of making their presence known, delivered by a promise on my husband's birthday, and due three days before our tenth wedding anniversary. I have high hopes that they will be born on April 13th instead of the 10th, but I can't place God in a box, not anymore.

I did place God in a box, and Deborah laughed at my folly. African American children, I assured her--I have a "feeling." No twins, I protested out of fear. No early pregnancy "matches", I informed her.

But now I'll be honest, because I was not entirely trusting in God to deliver my desires as well as my needs. I was afraid to express my desires because we have been disappointed so many times in the last year and a half. I tell my friends all the time that I think Hispanic/Caucasian Bi-racial children are the most beautiful in the world. Those almost black eyes just melt my heart and evoke a steady ache inside me. But because Hispanic women do not place their children, in general, in adoptive homes, I limited God by assuming it couldn't happen. I never considered that my beautiful birthmother would be Caucasian and the father Hispanic. And the thought of twins--the opportunity to raise children who are siblings, from birth, is just beyond what I dreamed. And an early second trimester "match", giving me the opportunity to share every moment of my children's lives, beyond the danger zone for miscarriage, what an impossibly incredible blessing.

All this, with the acute knowledge that I have done nothing to deserve it. That is Grace--blessings in spite of ourselves. As if the scales weren't already hopelessly tipped in His favor, He has upped the ante. Even if everything falls through tomorrow, what I feel today is worth a thousand lifetimes of service. I have come to understand in full, finally, my favorite line from The Shawshank Redemption--"I hope."

I sent Stacy an envelope of manilla envelopes today, self addressed and stamped. Next week I will see my precious darlings for the first time, as well as that cross. You see, Stacy is reminding me that God is with me too, by giving me that sign from God. If we have a daughter, someday I will place it on a chain around her neck.

I pray that you are all blessed with a Stacy. And that your Stacy has a mom like Heather.

For more information please read Time and Different. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.

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