A STRUGGLE WITHIN
Written by Deborah.
"The call" came in last August and it was a struggle within to obey God's leading.
From the moment I'd gotten up that morning the phone had been ringing. I was switching from one phone line to the other, juggling handsets and a head set. Calls came in from prospective adoptive couples, salesmen, CA couples with questions, CA couples with needs, CA couples with crisis needs, and CA couples with emotional needs.
My brain was beginning to 'reel' with all the emotions and information bombarding my mind. As I hung up the phone with a CA couple/adoptive mom-to-be who was upset about several issues in her life, the phone rang again and it was "the call". On the heels of "the call" another call came in from a CA couple/adoptive mom-to-be that was crying from the emotional pain of the roller coaster ride known as the "adoption process".
While I was on the phone listening to this CA sister, hearing her pain amidst her tears, my struggle within began. I already knew whom I needed to call about "the call". I already knew which couple met the bm's criteria and was the ONLY couple that met the requested criteria. However, it could be so easy to share this new situation and solid adoption lead w/the CA sister in tears on the phone w/me at that moment. I tried to pay attention to what she was saying, but my tongue wanted to blurt out the details of this new lead. I remember physically biting my lips to keep my mouth shut. To hear the manifestations of so much pain and sorrow in another CA sister's heart was gut wrenching. I thought, "Gee, I could answer her prayer right now with this new situation. All I have to do is present this to her and their adoption journey would be over." BUT, that was my mind, not God's leading. I put my hand over my lips to keep my mouth shut--I was mentally jumping up and down with excitement about this new lead, yet knew it was not for my dear sister on the phone. This baby was for someone else, for God's chosen couple and He was going to bless this adoption for that couple.
As the struggle continued I just couldn't stand it anymore I told the CA sister bluntly, "I've got to get off the phone NOW." As I hung up the phone I audibly thanked God for helping me keep my mouth shut and the information confidential. Although my mind was "toast", my job was to call God's couple about "the call". They responded with sincere enthusiasm and were on a plane within 24 hours and within a week were bringing home their new baby.
GOD IS AWESOME! HE ANSWERS THE PRAYERS OF HIS PEOPLE!
As part of the CA family, we all must place our trust in God and in His ability to provide. Only He can direct the hearts of His people to "match" them with each other in the adoption process. I understand that, but my mind can become a battleground and a place of struggle to obey God's leading. It's a struggle within as the administrator of CA, but more often as a sister in Christ. I feel your pain, I understand your disappointment, I can identify with your deep frustration, and I can fully appreciate the agonizing wait to be chosen by a birthmother.
From the "get go" of CA, we've refused to usurp God's clear direction to "match" with CA couples. We trust God to work within bms to pick the best (not perfect) CA couple for her child. Therefore, I cannot determine how long or short a CA couple may wait. It's foolhardy to think that I could "match" bms to couples with my finite mind. Hence, for those who wait longer than others--you must turn to God for His strength as you wait. He is more than willing to give you His peace and His strength, as you wait upon Him. Birthmoms choose their adoptive couple for placement in CA, as they trust in God for His guidance. If a bm gives me a list of criteria, then my job is to provide her with the names of CA couples that meet her criteria. If she provides no information for me to "narrow down her choices", I will prayerfully send her 5-6 profiles for her to consider. She ultimately makes her choice as God directs her steps.
The struggle within for all of us, is to continue to obey God's leading.
To trust in Him with our whole heart.
To wait upon Him and to wait for Him to deliver.
HE WILL DELIVER.
HE WILL ANSWER.
HE WILL PROVIDE.
HE WILL BLESS.
HE WILL ANSWER.
For more information please read Rock and Mama. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
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A non-profit Christian and Internet service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption process.
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337