Written by Deborah.

It can't be found in any medical textbook and it's not taught in any medical school, but the syndrome is alive and real.

I don't know who coined the term, but I began using it over 10 years ago to help my family understand how my heart felt. Some women call it a void, a hole or an emptiness that gnaws at their heart and ingests their soul. Empty Arm Syndrome is a condition that most women easily understand.

The empty arms of a woman that desires a child almost more than life itself, are filled to overflowing when she's blessed with a child to call her own.

New clothes, a change in hair style, vacations, aerobic classes, the addition of pets, and the loving support of her husband are a blessing and provide temporary distraction, but nothing can take the place of a child. If a woman with Empty Arm Syndrome acknowledges her deep need to nurture and to love a child, she answers many of her own questions about adoption.

As the administrator for Christian Adoption, I've spoken to scores of women that wrestle with this condition. I suggest they accept their situation with a determination to receive God's deliverance.

God answers prayers and He delivers His people. We've been blessed repeatedly by His grace and mercy in Christian Adoption.

Men don't usually experience the same intensity of Empty Arm Syndrome. It's not that men aren't sensitive and nurturing, but rather they're not hard wired with the same depth of maternal yearning. Although their feelings are valid and understandable, they are different.

Many Christian Adoption women express a sense of guilt because they yearn so deeply for motherhood. They think that if their walk with God was stronger, their ache would go away. They share their conflict with me: if they loved God more, they would want children less. I believe they judge themselves too harshly. I think they wrestle with a perception of weakness rather than accept their worthiness to become a mother.

All too often I've heard, "If I could just be more Christ-like I could 'get over' this need to have a child."  

To which I respond,

"Why is it wrong for you to want to be a mother? Why is it wrong to want to love and nurture a child? Why is it wrong for you to have a maternal yearning? Why is it wrong to have your arms filled by God's gift of a child?

Would you give God the glory and praise Him for His blessings? Would you teach your child to love God and to serve Him? Would you raise your child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Would you be more fulfilled and more willing to serve God and to love others? Would you be more ready to help others in the same situation? Would you give God thanks for His grace and mercy?"

With a mere moment of hesitation the answer is "YES!"  

So, what's the problem? Why the condemnation, the questioning, the waffling, and the wondering about adoption? God gave you the unique ability to love and nurture a child.

God gave you the desire to become a mother!

If God gives you a watch--you don't need to ask Him what time it is--you already have the watch!

For those that suffer from Empty Arm Syndrome, I encourage you to make a committed decision to become a mother.

Determine to receive God's gift of a child--no matter how long it takes. Choose to pray and wait for His deliverance.

If you need to talk to someone that understands Empty Arm Syndrome, as well as knows the joys of motherhood--I'm available to you.

Contact Christian Adoption and open your heart to receive God's answers.

For more information please read Viewpoints. 

We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.

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A Christian ministry helping birth parents & Christian couples for over 14 years!  

1.800.277.7006     620.251.4405     adoption@christianadoption.com

Deborah S. Niles     P.O. Box 243     Coffeyville, KS     67337    

We are not an adoption agency, we are not registered, we are not licensed, and we are not professional counselors.

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