SWEETER
Written by Tabitha.
Mick & Tabitha's special needs son, Andrew, continues to astonish and amaze everyone. Andrew & Matthew are twin brothers and best friends.
7/5/01
Dear prospective parent,
Parenting a special needs child is a true calling. Some come to it through biology and some through adoption. Having a special needs child in your home is one thing, but being the parent of a special needs child's needs is quite another. It's not enough to merely want to be a parent or to want to do a "good deed." From one couple to another, we know the heartache of being childless. We know what it is like to clutch at our pillows at night dreaming about a child to hold. We know the desperate thoughts of wanting "any" child, but the biggest part of parenthood isn't about you and your desires, it is about the child's needs and future. To be honest, we didn't step into special needs parenting on purpose. My own Uncle Rick, 2 mos. before we "matched", tried to talk to me about adopting special needs. My answer was, in a roundabout way, NO WAY! Special needs kids? Are you kidding? I can't handle that; I don't even remotely want that! It was one thing if our "matched" child was born with problems, because that would be God's plan for our lives, but doing it on purpose? And so when we got anyone's dream "match", identical twin boys from a young, but not too young, drug-free birthmother, we knew that everything in our lives was going to be ideal. But then Andy was diagnosed with Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus. Our world came crashing down around us. Many told us to back out and just get onto the roller coaster again, but something happened to me that day. In a moment I wanted to be a special needs mom, not because of the special needs, but because MY SON ANDY was special needs and I wanted to be his mommy more than anything in the world. So I did the only thing I could, become educated and prepared for the worst while hoping for the best. I did get the best, but not as I had planned. But most who become special needs parents do so for other reasons. If this is the path you choose, make sure that your reasons are the right ones -- a child's quality of life, feelings of self-worth, and safety hang in the balance. And those 3 things, brothers and sisters, are more important than your parental yearnings.
1. Never become a special needs parent, JUST because you are only eligible for a special needs child. Your desire to be a parent must be superceded by a child's needs, and you can't just "get by" on love. You may very well be a wonderful person, but that child needs a fully committed parent.
2. Never become a special needs parent, as a public act of charity. These kids aren't cast-off's, even if they have been treated as such. If you think you are doing them a favor by adopting them, they're going to know it. No one wants to be a charity case. Give them the dignity they deserve.
3. Never become a special needs parent, thinking that it's going to earn you "Brownie Points" with God. It's similar to the above point, but far more selfish.
4. Never become a special needs parent, if it's going to "cramp" your lifestyle. Do not adopt a child who is wheelchair bound if you are bound and determined to keep up your active backwoods leisure time pursuits without making significant changes. Children don't deserve to be perceived as a burden, and don't think for a minute that they won't figure it out.
5. Do not become a special needs parent, if you have prejudices against special needs people.
6. Do not become a special needs parent, if you are unwilling to be there for the treatments that go along with certain disabilities. Your child will need you to be brave and not squeamish.
HOWEVER...
7. Do become a special needs parent, if after careful research, you feel that you can be a good parent to a child with specific needs. Not all special needs are the same -- a parent educated about and prepared to handle a physical disability may be in no way prepared to handle a child with a mental disability, and vice-versa. Patience in one area doesn't necessarily carry over into another.
8. Do become a special needs parent, if you can look past the disability and see only the child -- while never ignoring the disability and it's very real effects.
9. Do become a special needs parent, if you're excited about the possibility of truly impacting the life of a child for the better, if you really want to know the joy of simple accomplishments, and if you want to know the special kind of love that is only given by these children.
Being a special needs parent isn't easy, and your life will never be the same.
But for those people who choose that path for the right reasons, life is far sweeter.
For more information please read More and Paint. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
adoption@christianadoption.com
A non-profit Christian and Internet
service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption
process.
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
www.christianadoption.com adoption@christianadoption.com
