HOPE'S CONFESSION
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
Launching out into the choppy sea of adoption has given me the opportunity to once again examine what I believe about my life and God's plan for it. It has forced me to face what I really believe rather than what I say about believing.
I've had to think about what prayer really is. Is it a means of pouring out my heart to the Lord and listening with all my heart to hear His voice? Or do I say, "Praise you Lord! I love you! Glory to your name," so I can get to what I actually mean: "Now, gimme!!" Prayer does not manipulate God and my prayer does not force His hand. Can I praise Him and mean it, even when I don't get what I want?
What does it really mean to love God more than anything? For me, it means that my relationship with him is more important than getting a baby. It means that I must love my Lord no less, even if I remain childless. I believe He has laid adoption on our hearts and that He gives us the desires of our hearts. But I have missed God before. More than anything I want what comes from God's heart more than what comes from my head.
If I believe that He has a perfect plan for my life, I know that He is not preparing "a" child, but "my" child. So, I can say with confidence, "Not my baby" when doors close. When I give my circumstances wholly into His hands, there is nothing anyone, neither person nor principality, can do to stop God's plan. He will provide "my" baby in His perfect time.
I don't want "a" child. I don't want anything that is not God's best for me. There have been times in my life when I could have manipulated or whined or forced the issue - and I would probably be a mother today. But most likely not a happy one.
Do I fail, whine, complain to God, and feel sorry for myself sometimes? Sure I do. It's tempting to feel like the Lord is blessing everybody else and passing me by, and wonder why or what I've done wrong. But the bottom line is this: If I do what His word says, claim His promises, and seek Him above all else; then I can trust that He will work in my life. Nothing can stand between God's and my will unless I let it.
I have made this decision - I will continue to speak life. I will continue to call things into being as though they exist. I will continue to believe God for the desires of my heart. And I will trust Him to fulfill His promises His way, in His time, to His glory.
Amen & Amen !
About 3 months later, Hope and her husband adopted a beautiful baby boy!
For more information please read
Obedience
and
Response.
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