Written by Heather.

Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Launching out into the choppy sea of adoption has given me the opportunity to examine my beliefs in God. It has also forced me to face what I really believe rather than what I say about believing.

I've thought about the Biblical meaning and application of prayer. Is prayer about pouring out my heart to the Lord and listening to hear His voice? Or do I say, "Praise you Lord! I love you! Glory to your name," so I can get to what I actually mean, "Now, gimme!" Prayer doesn't try to manipulate God and my prayers don't force His hand. Can I praise Him and mean it, even when I don't get what I want? Shouldn't prayer be about my relationship with Him, my fellowship with Him, and being willing to surrender my heart to Him?

What does it really mean to love God with all my heart? I think it means that my relationship with Him is more important than getting a baby. I think that if I love God first, that I must love Him no less, even if I remain childless. However, I believe God laid adoption on our hearts for His purposes. But more than anything I want what comes from God's heart more than what comes from my head. I'm learning more and more how to surrender to Him.

If I believe He has a perfect plan for my life, I know He's preparing my child, not a child. Therefore, I can say with confidence, when adoption doors close, that's not my baby. When I surrender my circumstances wholly into His hands, there's nothing anyone, neither person nor principality, can do to stop God's plan. He will provide my baby in His perfect time.

I don't want a child, but His chosen child for me. I pray for God's will to be done and I trust in His best for me. There have been times that I could've manipulated or whined or forced a situation, and I'd probably be a mother today, but most likely not a happy one.

Do I fail, whine, complain to God, and feel sorry for myself sometimes? Yes. It's a temptation to feel like the Lord is blessing everybody else around me and wonder why I'm being passed over. It's a temptation to ask myself why or what have I done wrong. But the bottom line is, if I continue to surrender to Him and claim His promises, and seek Him above all else, then His best will be given to me. Nothing can stand between God and me, unless I allow it.

I have decided to continue to speak life. I will continue to call His blessings into being, even though I can't see them--yet. I will continue to believe God for the desires of my heart. I will continue to trust Him to fulfill His promises His way, in His time, to His glory. I thank God for His patience with me and for the many ways that I'm growing up in Him through Christian Adoption.

Amen & Amen !  


(Tom & Heather were blessed by their Christian Adoption son-a few months later!)

For more information please read Jane.

We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.

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