Written by Deborah.


Many women love to attend them, some just don't go, and others are ambivalent about attending baby showers.

In my opinion, women's attitudes concerning baby showers are influenced by their upbringing, by their fertility and/or infertility, and their pocket book.

In Christian Adoption, I've witnessed many baby shower mishaps. And I've needed to help pick up the emotional pieces of couples that put the proverbial cart before the horse.

Although I appreciate the enthusiasm of Christian Adoption couples that celebrate the probable adoption of their "matched" birthmother's child, the fact remains that it's not your child yet. When a birthmother commits to place her child with a Christian Adoption couple, we believe that our prayers have been answered. But until the birth parents TPR (terminate parental rights), all we have is a hope and a promise. Therefore, in my opinion, to host a baby shower prior to the baby's birth and placement is not prudent.

No doubt, my opinion is influenced by the emotional trauma of disappointed couples and the discouraged baby shower attendees.

Perhaps Christian Adoption couples could consider the feelings of the generous gift givers that attend a baby shower, prior to organizing the shower.

If, the adoption placement doesn't work out...

...will you return the baby gifts to the gift givers?

...if you don't return the gifts, what will you do with them? (No matter how innocuous the baby gifts--your mind will associate them with an unsuccessful adoption.)

...will you hold another baby shower for another "match"? (A "match" that results in a successful adoption.)

...will you try to exchange the gifts for a different gender, if needed, when you do successfully adopt?

...will you write thank you notes to the gift givers, even though the adoption didn't occur?

...will you expect your gift giving guests to give you another gift when you do successfully adopt?

...will you return the gifts that are adoption related, if you become pregnant? you really want to explain the deep disappointment of an unsuccessful adoption to a former room full of guests? will you comfort and clarify for your family and friends that held and participated in the baby shower, if the placement goes awry?

...will you reimburse the baby shower hostess for her baby shower expenditures (cake, beverages, paper goods, decorations, games, party favors, time...)? you deal with your own disappointment, will you have the wherewithal to encourage your enthusiastic guests? you recognize that many families live within a budget and therefore do not choose to spend money on baby gifts--that aren't needed?

The mood of a Christian Adoption baby shower, before placement is enthusiasm, excitement and hope. But, there's still apprehension, especially for the guests.

The mood of a Christian Adoption baby shower, after placement is thanksgiving, joy, appreciation, enthusiasm, excitement, hope, and fun! And there's lots of tears, especially for the guests, as the new baby becomes the center of attention!

For these many reasons and more, I recommend that Christian Adoption couples wait until after they've successfully adopted to celebrate their new baby at a wonderful, fun filled baby shower!

To God be the glory--great things He hath done!

For more information please read Lindsay.*

We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.

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