Written by Cari.


In the time we've been associated with Christian Adoption, I’ve grown and learned so much about God, my marriage, my friends, adoption, and myself. I've learned I can let some dreams go and not give up on others. I've seen couples in Christian Adoption let go of fears and let go of control issues. I've seen couples in Christian Adoption let go of strongholds that have kept them captive. I've learned that I must let go of my fears and desire to control many times in this adoption journey. It’s liberating to let go of things that are truly God's to handle.

But to let go of a baby that was almost our forever daughter, took much more of God's help than I ever dreamed needed. With His help I've been able to grow through the process. In my heart, Clara was my child. Who can let go of a child that you've prayed for so fervently and confidently? She was my answer to prayer. If I let go of her--will she be safe? Will she remain in my heart? Does this mean I’ve given up on her?

This experience is teaching me that our perspective changes many times before we feel comfortable in God's answers to our prayers. But with His help we do change, over and over again. I was confident that Clara was my long awaited answer to years of prayer. She was an amazing testimony of sacrifice, love, and the deliverance of all my smallest requests to God. I've seen many blessings in my life, but by far this was my favorite--so far!

Within 3 days of Clara's birth, was Mother’s Day. This was going to be my Mothers Day in 2004…just as I’d prayed. I spent that day, beaming, excited that our prayers were answered, and that we were blessed to live this day. I was becoming a Mother. My heart was full, and everyone around us rejoiced. Clara was born and going to become our daughter. Praise God!

However, within 6 days, our dreams were shattered with unimaginable grief, because Clara wasn't going to become our forever child. We painfully watched Clara be taken away by her birthmother. But we prayed blessings over Clara, and we poured our love all over her.

With all the Christian Adoption prayers we anticipated that Clara would still become ours, but it didn't happen. As we continue to reflect on these events and walk through terrible moments of anger, resentment, fear and hurt, we continue to grow. We’ve walked through a valley, where it’s dark, lonely, and we ache for precious Clara. We’ve begged, pleaded with God, we’ve made deals, fallen to the floor in tears, and yelled at the world for the lost opportunity to have Clara. We’ve been through the painful phases of grief; slow, then fast, slower, then faster. We’ve returned to the island of anger, held onto doubt, and wallowed in self pity. It’s been exhausting to live through the pain.

But God, in spite of our tantrums and anger, was holding us up. God had made this "match", but humans tore it apart. We can't blame God for what people do.

“…the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man, availeth much.” James 5:16b

Our Christian Adoption Family came through for us. You loved us, listened to us cry, wrote to us, mailed letters, called us, and made yourselves available to us in every way. You believed with us and you stood strong with us. When one member of the body hurts, we all hurt. We go through these things together. That’s the strength of God’s calling in the Christian Adoption Family. We heard your encouraging words. We heard you when you said you loved us. We thank you for your faith, in the midst of the storm.

Clara's life will be touched by God forever because of Christian Adoption. Praise God, that Clara has such a powerful family behind her. Christian Adoption Family--we love you!

We believe that for us to be able to live our lives fully, we need to let go of Clara. Letting go doesn't mean giving up. We've been able to accept that we can love and pray for her, while others raise her; we've also let go of the anger and resentment. Clara will always be in our hearts.

We've grown up in Him and are so much stronger. We’ve stood up for life and have learned that God delivers, even if it's not what we think should be delivered to us. God knows the end, and we continue to surrender to Him.

There’s a song by the Imperials, called "Praise the Lord".

...when you feel tired, worn down, and you've lost direction...Praise the Lord...because He can work through those who Praise Him.

The enemy wants us to be bitter, to give up, and confess defeat. But we’re never defeated with God on our side. Having an army of believers supporting one another is a bonus! Thank you Christian Adoption Family! God will provide for each of us, in His time and in His way. His promises are true. In all of these life experiences, we will Praise the Lord!

With love, thanksgiving and continued faith in Him,


(Charles & Cari are blessed with their son, Caleb (born in 2005); they remain thankful for Christian Adoption!)

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We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.

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A Christian ministry helping birth parents & Christian couples for over 12 years!

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Deborah S. Hill     P.O. Box 243     Coffeyville, KS     67337  

We are not an adoption agency, we are not registered, we are not licensed, and we are not professional counselors.

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