FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS-3
Written by Deborah.
31. Nothing in our lives prepared us for this waiting process. What can we do?
Nothing in life can adequately prepare you for the possible wait that is often grueling and difficult, without any logical explanation. However, praying for your birthmother and your child-to-be is not difficult and is spiritually logical. Pray for God's blessings upon your adoption process. Pray for His strength and comfort. Pray for patience and tenacity. Determine to eliminate FEAR (false evidence appearing real) in your hearts. Start and complete household and yard projects--you'll spend countless hours staring at your child; 90% of those projects will become quite insignificant when you adopt your child. Journal your thoughts and share all of your emotions--these will become a witness and testimony for your child. All of your waiting and prayers becomes a part of their adoption story. Reach out to others in our Christian Adoption Family--if they're waiting to adopt, they're also experiencing many challenging emotions. If they've already adopted, they have walked in your adoptive couple shoes and can offer suggestions for your consideration. And if you reach out to others, they'll pray for your specific needs. Every Christian Adoption couple that consistently and diligently reaches out to others in our Christian Adoption Family is abundantly blessed by the camaraderie and fellowship.
32. Where, how, when, and why will a birthmom--somewhere out there in this big ol' world find us?
Our Heavenly Father responds as we surrender to Him. You cannot reason out this adoption process. You cannot figure out God's answers. You cannot control and dictate how your deliverance will arrive. But if you choose to fully rely upon Him, you'll mature spiritually in ways that you cannot imagine. Adoption will stretch you, push you and grow you like no other experience in life. And what a witness you'll be for your children, for their children and for their children! Try looking beyond the present and think about the bigger and long term benefits for your family for generations to come. It's not all about you--it's about becoming living epistles for Him, known and read by all men. Finally, who said you're absolutely going to adopt a child? If you still have the physical parts to bear a child (no matter what your age) doesn't God perform miracles? How God answers our prayers is His prerogative. Our responsibility is to humble ourselves before Him, expecting to receive His deliverance.
33. How do we know if we should press on or quit pursuing adoption?
Only you and your spouse can determine if you're going to stay the course until you succeed in the adoption process. There's been adoptive couples that have come online with Christian Adoption and "match" with a birthmother, but then choose to not adopt because they realized they didn't want to adopt or add another child to their family. This is each couple's decision and prerogative. There's also been adoptive couples that have become so mentally weary of the adoption journey, that they chose to quit before their prayers were answered. Others have been blessed with a miraculous pregnancy! A few adoptive couples have quit pursuing adoption because their spouse wearied. Our suggestion is to talk through your worst and best case scenarios as an adoptive couple and determine if you can live with your decision for the rest of your lives. There aren't any standard answers for all adoptive couples, but a question worth considering is: If you quit pursuing adoption, will your lives glorify God or become a reminder of human weakness?
34. Why do people remain involved with Christian Adoption?
Many Christian Adoption couples remain involved with our ministry because they want to minister and give back to others. They desire to share their testimony, their joy, and their prayer support for other waiting adoptive couples. Additionally, our Christian Adoption Family shares child care suggestions, marital support, loving friendships, housing for traveling Christian Adoption couples, and financial assistance. Christian Adoption is so much more than just adoption. It's an awesome privilege to greet and meet new brothers and sisters in Christ and to share our personal adoption stories!
35. What kind of relationship can we expect if we remain involved with Christian Adoption post adoption or post childbirth?
Our entire Christian Adoption Family (over 110 households) receives our daily Christian Adoption Prayer Calendar, our Christian Adoption Family updates, personal recognition, invitations to Christian Adoption Family Reunions, is blessed by gifts of appreciation, and is faithfully supported in prayer for their specific needs.
36. What is ICPC?
This acronym means Interstate ComPact Contract. This contract was designed to cut down on the trafficking of children from one state to another.
I.E. You live in the state of Texas and your birthmother gives birth in the state of Kansas. You travel to Kansas for the birth of your soon to be adopted child and the birth parent(s) TPR (Terminate Parental Rights). The TPR documents are sent to the ICPC office in Topeka, KS. Your adoption document file is reviewed and then sent to Austin, TX. When the ICPC office in Austin, TX receives your file: they review it, approve it, call the ICPC office in Topeka, KS and "give you clearance" to return to your home state of TX with your adopted child, who was born in the state of KS. This process can be accomplished in 24 hours or take up to 21 days--depending on the ICPC office staff in each state's capitol and how diligently your adoption attorney works for you (by getting on the phone and pushing it through) and/or whether or not your adoption document file is in order. RETAIN QUALIFIED ADOPTION ATTORNEYS with EXPERIENCE.
To further illustrate ICPC:
The ICPC office in Topeka, KS reviews your adoption document file and sends your file to Austin, TX; ICPC in KS essentially says, "Hey, Austin, TX this is Topeka, KS. We have some TX residents in our state adopting a child that was born in the state of KS on date xox. We acknowledge and accept their TPR documents in their adoption file. We've sent their file to you and we'd like you to review it and substantiate that their adoption documents meet your state's adoption law criteria. We'd like to give this adoptive couple clearance to return home to TX with their KS born adopted child ASAP. Please respond with your acceptance and substantiation ASAP."
37. Should we or can we give gifts to our birthmother and/or birth parents?
Yes and no. Legal acceptance varies from state to state on this subject prior to placement, so it's prudent to check with your adoption attorney.
38. How many "older" child placements occur through Christian Adoption?
About 10% of our placements are "older" than a newborn (baby just born and being released into the custody of the adoptive couple.) Therefore 90% of our placements are newborns.
39. We're weary of hearing others say we just "need to be patient"--what's your response?
I understand how you feel; I heard this comment for years too. However, now that I'm "on the other side" of the adoption journey, I must admit, “they” were right. It seemed so easy, and it was, for others to placate my frustrations with these 4 short words. But in retrospect, if I wasn’t so frustrated and deeply saddened by the entire process, those words that were meant to encourage, wouldn’t have ‘stung’ so much. I’ve found that the greatest forms of encouragement in times of trial has been listening ears, faithful prayers, an occasional comment, and the ‘knowing’ that friends will not give up on me and/or support through the challenges. In other words, to know that a tangible person on planet earth (we always have our Heavenly Father to strengthen us) is on your side can help to sustain us through the toughest times. Additionally, having many in our Christian Adoption Family loving and praying for you is not only priceless, but brings great comfort.
Patience, we all need more of it. Friends, we can’t have too many. Love, we can’t get enough of it. Support, we shouldn't refuse it. Prayer, what Christian can survive without it?
40. Are we too old to become parents?
This is challenging to answer because I’m an older parent and therefore biased. I became a 1st time mother at 43 and then again at 47. Age is relative to one’s perspective and outlook. Although I’m not currently running a marathon or outside jumping rope or skipping down the street; is that really necessary to be a good parent? The world’s standards are all backwards and no surprise about that, for without Christ, the world is blinded by the god of this world.
In whom the god of this world (satan) hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them. II Corinthians 4:4
If you believe you're XO years young and God gives you His "go" for whatever goal or desire placed in your heart, then go with His guidance and “phooey” on the world. Wisdom is gained from the application of knowledge. Knowledge comes from study and life experience. Wisdom, knowledge, study and life aren't mastered by the age of 21 or by 45 or by 65. So what’s the big deal about age and parenting? Frankly, I don’t get it. Hence, I ignore what I call the world’s stupidity and go with God’s leading instead. I support all Christian believers that do the same.
For more information please read FAQ's.
We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.
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Deborah S. Niles P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
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