FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS-2
Written by Deborah.
16. What type of adoptions do you assist with or represent?
We represent adoptive couples pursuing independent or private adoption. Independent or private adoption means the adoption "match" is not through a state foster care system or via an adoption agency. Adoptive couples can pursue adoption through 5 avenues.
A. Domestic adoption agency (they have their own rules/regulations) and we have no jurisdiction over what or how they assist others in the adoption process.
B. International adoption agency (they have their own rules/regulations subject to the country of adoption) and we have no jurisdiction over what or how they assist others in the adoption process.
C. State Foster Care system placements are controlled/managed by each state and we cannot help/assist/expedite/legislate how their process will or will not work.
D. Adoption Attorneys have their own method of acquiring birthmom leads, their own agenda for "matching", and their own approach to charges (a base rate plus expenses, a total package fee, billable hours, and/or a combination of any of the aforementioned); and we have no control/influence/input as to how an adoptive couple is treated.
E. Independent placement means that a birthmom chooses an adoptive couple independently from any of the above adoption options. In this adoption venue we can be most effective in assisting birthmoms and adoptive couples, because no one is legislating the relationship and the decision making process. We recognize that some states have some criteria limiting the involvement or support between a birthmom and adoptive couple, but in this particular category we can be most effective in helping those in the adoption triad.
17. Are you suggesting that you don't support any agency, State Foster Care, and/or attorney adoptions?
No. But our niche is independent adoption and that's where we're most effective in assisting others in the adoption process. We will gladly pray with/for any of our Christian Adoption Family that chooses other adoption options. We encourage every Christian Adoption couple to pray and to rely upon God's guidance as to where, how, and what they should do in/during/through their adoption journey. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much and we cannot begin to understand nor fathom the short and long-term benefit of the prayers within our Christian Adoption Family for and with each other. Our service is for those that are pursuing adoption, primarily independently, and our service fee applies to those that list with us as clearly stated on our web site: " until you adopt or up to a period of 2 years". If an adoptive couple is convicted to pursue adoption elsewhere or via another source (State Foster Care or International Agency) then we're confident that God will answer their prayers. In the early years of Christian Adoption, we were convicted that every listed couple would successfully adopt directly through our service. However, we've learned and accepted that Christian Adoption may be a stepping stone and part of a growing process for an adoptive couple. Our responsibility to serve others in the adoption process may be fulfilled without the successful adoption of a child directly through Christian Adoption.
18. Should we network and/or list our profile elsewhere?
Carnal answer: absolutely. Tell everyone you know and all their neighbors that you're praying to adopt. Solicit the prayers and support of your church family and your extended family's church families.
If you're looking for a job, don't you tell a few people about it? If you really want a job, don't you tell everyone?
Spiritual answer: maybe. Follow God's guidance no matter what anyone else says or thinks. God knows your hearts, your needs, your lives, your fears, and your strengths better than you do. Go where He leads you--and go in His peace. Do what He directs you to do--and do so with His peace. The greatest challenge for many of us as Christians, is finding and living in balance. We see the balance mark as we swing by on a pendulum from one extreme to the other; from doubt, worry and fear to confidence, believing and faith. The balance mark is there--we get glimpses of it as we swing between the carnal and the spiritual. The goal is to not swing so enthusiastically from one extreme to the other, hence getting a better look at what the balanced Christian life is all about and how to live it as witnesses for Him.
Our experience with our 1st adoption: We told everybody and their brother we wanted to adopt and I made it my full time job to find a child--with no success. We were the first couple on Christian Adoption and adopted within 1 month of being online. Our experience with our 2nd adoption: We were ambivalent about taking action, thus telling no one and God delivered a birthmom to us that we refused 3 times, before we agreed to adopt her baby. Each couple needs to find a balance, God's balance and His peace. There aren't any mathematical formulas for receiving deliverance.
19. Our paid service fee to Christian Adoption entitles us to your service: until we adopt or up to a period of 2 years. What happens if we haven't adopted within those 2 years?
Christian Adoption will help you reassess your situation. If your desire is to remain online with Christian Adoption, we will offer you several renewal options.
20. Are there funds available from Christian Adoption to help finance our adoption process?
Our best counsel is to trust in God first and foremost for all your needs, which includes your adoption expenses. He will provide our financial needs and our emotional needs as we rely upon Him. He is willing and able to be our buckler, our shield, our strength and our protector. He is our all and all, if we allow Him to have preeminence in our lives. Funds from Christian Adoption? Well, we've been known on more than a few occasions to bless our Christian Adoption Family with financial gifts.
21. We've done the math and conclude that Christian Adoption has ample income to assist us; why don't you offer your services for free?
There's the standard $25,000.00 question! That's exactly how we felt about our service in the early years and that's why we invested $25,000.00+ of our own funds to help finance and assist others in their adoption process. However, through prayer, wise counsel, and as we grew up in Christ, we learned that giving away our service was not operating Biblical principle. In 8.00, we began charging a service fee commensurate with operating expenses and in harmony with Biblical principle. For any couple that lists with Christian Adoption and reads our Christian Adoption Family in-house updates (current and/or archival) they'll note a pattern about Christian Adoption funds. We have a revolving door policy regarding the funds received--money comes in and it goes out. Christian Adoption is a ministry that ministers to God's people within our Christian Adoption Family. Our service fees haven't increased since 8.00.
22. What if we've been online for "XO" months and still haven't received a contact or lead?
It seems that every human, Christian or not, wants to know what lies ahead--what the future holds. Adoption seems to fan the anxiety flames on when, where, why, how, how much, etc. We completely understand these many questions and we fully identify with the waiting process. However, anxiety is in opposition to God's Word. As Christians we're to believe His promises and His guidance for our lives, rather than what our flesh may scream at us.
Regarding the "XO" months--you've got to use some logic with your mind or it will run you straight into anxiety land.
1. A normal pregnancy takes 9 months.
2. Do you really want dozens of contacts or your call? Ask anyone that's experienced a failed "match" and they'll generally respond, "We would've been more blessed with just 1 call--our call."
3. You use your washing machine on a regular basis, right? Do you go check the cycle every few minutes to make sure it's still working? Do you meddle with the dials, try to check the workings of the engine, call a mechanic for reassurance, or start filling out the Replacement Parts forms? No. So, why do we as God's children, keep checking on His workmanship? Why do we try to rush His blessings into our lives? Why do we meddle in His deliverance? Why do we try to figure out the whys and wherefores of the ultimate Engineer that's designed the machine (us) and that's designing (child) our adoption process? The answer is simple and obvious--anxiety. Anxiety starts with a little doubt that leads to worry and concludes in fear. Fear that God will not answer our prayers. Fear that He is not faithful. Fear that we are not worthy. Fear is sand in the machinery of life! As we tackle our fears we'll eliminate anxiety. The battlefield is in the mind, between our ears, and it's our responsibility to claim the victory. Christian Adoption can help and assist, but we can't crawl inside your head and remove the anxiety. From now on, make the decision that every time you load your washing machine, you'll remind yourself that the cycle will be over when it's supposed to be over--and you don't have to keep questioning the machine's ability to perform it's task. Then transfer that same perspective over to God's promises. The successful adoption process will be over when it's supposed to be over (if you don't quit), so let God work.
23. If you can't guarantee a child, then what's the point of the Christian Adoption ministry?
Our carnal nature wants guarantees for just about every phase of life. But, there aren't any guarantees in the flesh. However, God's promises are guaranteed to all those that believe. God is forever faithful, true, honest, loving, and never changing. Nothing is free, except salvation, because it cost God the sacrificial death of His only begotten son. Anything we get in this lifetime, after salvation costs something. Everything we receive after salvation is a bonus. We can't and won't strong arm any birthmother to chose an adoption placement plan. But, we can offer the adoptive couple and the birthmother our assistance, our prayer support, share our experiences, network with one another, open up our hearts, and hold their hands through the adoption process. What is service but to love one another with His love?
24. Why should we come online with Christian Adoption or stay online?
Come online with Christian Adoption as God leads you. Stay online with Christian Adoption as God leads you. Ask, seek, knock and He will direct you.
25. We just want a child ASAP and don't understand why you can't get a child for us?
We understand your emotions, desires and thoughts. We also had the same ache in our hearts, experienced many nagging questions, grappled with mental frustrations, and were battered by waves of disappointment. However, we had to deal with our flesh regarding God's promises. God's promises are true, but the fulfillment of His promises aren't followed by the words: easy, cake walk, fast, painless, simple, stress-free, relaxing, ad Infiniti for, "Give me what I want, when I want it, don't make me work, don't make me wait, think, discipline, change, push my mind or endure any form of mental pressure." We cannot personally answer your prayers--but God can and will as you trust in Him. Many times couples come online with Christian Adoption and expect us to deliver a child into their arms, but this isn't our responsibility.
26. Why don't you call every couple in Christian Adoption on a regular basis? We think we deserve to receive a phone call to check on us?
We fully appreciate your questions, but until you become parents of 2 children, you simply can't understand what it's like to live in Time Warp! There's over 110 Christian Adoption families involved in our ministry. There just aren't enough hours in the day to call our Christian Adoption couples daily. However, we do send out a daily Christian Adoption Prayer Calendar, so everyone in our Christian Adoption Family is contacted everyday via email. We try to call our Christian Adoption families periodically, but until you're in these 2-parent shoes, Time Warp just doesn't communicate.
27. It seems that childless couples should get preferred treatment?
God is no respecter of persons and neither is Christian Adoption.
28. It seems it's easier for those with children to adopt again or is it? It seems it's easier for those without children to adopt or is it?
God answers the prayers of His people in His timing, as they continue to trust in Him. His ways are higher than our ways and His timing is impeccable. The goal of every Christian should be to expect God's best for their lives on God's terms in God's sovereign timing. We can choose to follow His guidance and trust in His wisdom.
29. We haven't been chosen by a birthmother yet--what's wrong with us, our profile or our family?
Rather than ask, "What's wrong with us?" maybe we should ask, "How can we build our confidence and trust in God's deliverance for our lives? What areas of our lives, our marriage or our finances need improvement? What should we be praying for and about, rather than asking ourselves such self-focused questions?" Whenever we seek Him with a pure and willing heart, He will enlighten and inspire us. As the A Beka home school song goes: ...Oh, who can wash my heart clean? I'm sure I can't, can you? Oh, who can wash my heart clean? No one but God, it's true...
30. What do you as the administrator for Christian Adoption, tell birthmothers that contact you?
We thank God for guiding birthmothers to Christian Adoption! We tell birthmothers that we've been praying for God to direct them to Christian Adoption. We also remind birthmothers that as God led them to Christian Adoption, He will also lead them to the right adoptive couple for their child. There are no perfect couples, but rather there is a couple that will be God's best for them and their child. We want every birthmother to know that she has followed God's guidance about this life-changing decision.
"God will direct your steps to the right adoptive couple for your child. You can have His peace about your decision. His peace means that 10 years from now, you will still have His peace about your decision. God led you here and He will continue to lead you. We're here to answer your questions and to support you."
For more information please read FAQ's-3.
We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.
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Deborah S. Niles P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
We are not an adoption agency, we are not registered, we are not licensed, and we are not professional counselors.
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