Written by Jane.
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Recently I spoke to Deborah with Christian Adoption, and she asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Maybe she doesn't know it, but she's doing it by being there when I do have questions. At the end of our conversation, she commented, "You must have had a very supportive upbringing and family."
This couldn't be further from the truth. So I began to share a little about my life and she asked me to share my testimony with you for encouragement. I believe God has led you to Christian Adoption, to read my story.
I wasn't raised in a loving or supportive family. My parents divorced when I was 2 and they each went on with their lives; mine went into limbo. My past actually feels like a fog, like I was on the outside looking in, just waiting for someone to finally notice me. I was what is called a compliant child or pliable kid. I did whatever was asked and expected of me. My father remarried when I was 4. My stepmother decided she didn't want me around because I was a connection to my mother, so she purposefully made me feel unwanted. Visits to see my father were narrowed down to birthdays and Christmas. When I was 6 my mom remarried a very cruel and abusive man (physical and mental abuse.) My mother worked 2nd shift, so she was asleep when I woke myself up, while I got ready for school, as I ran out the door, and when I returned home. I was blessed with a grandmother who loved me very much, but she had to work, so she didn't know what was going on.
My stepfather and older stepbrother made my life miserable. I was frightened to tell my mother, but she hushed all of my attempts; "Fight your own battles Jane. I can't deal with it." When I was 8, my stepfather's typical rages ended with him holding a gun to our heads. I don't remember what happened, because I would faint from extreme fear. He tried to abduct me from school, but I saw him first and hid. When we finally got a restraint order against him, we learned he had a police record, had served jail time for domestic abuse, and was a very dangerous man. Thankfully, my mother divorced him and married someone else when I was 10. I was thrilled to have a beautiful baby sister when I was 12, although my mother continued to work 2nd shift. Her 3rd husband never laid a hand on me, but he was equally abusive. He ignored me; I simply didn't exist. He was an alcoholic and came home just before my mom returned home from work. So, I'd come home from school and take care of my baby sister (the bright spot that kept me sane.) I taught her everything, she was a fast learner, and she was my little twiggy! However, as she got older and grew out of diapers, my stepfather began to spend time with her and left me all alone. I became more isolated and depressed.
Depression took over my life and almost took it. I didn't want to live. I took pills. I tried slitting my wrists. I became anorexic. Soon after my 17th birthday, I was hospitalized and near death from starvation.
That was the final wake up call for my mom.
I had been the quiet child, the good child that never got in trouble or rebelled, so everyone thought I was okay. My mom began to change her life and make amends for all the hurt she'd put me through, but it was a slow healing process.
I struggled with anorexia until just a few years ago and my mother's marriage also came to an end.
Through my relationship with Jesus Christ, not just a knowledge about him, my deep heart wounds are mending.
I found a wonderful church that has become my family and I'm growing up spiritually. Through Jesus Christ, I've been able to forgive my mother, who attends the same church. I was delivered from anorexia. My pain continues to be replaced with God's peace, joy, contentment, and thankfulness.
God is love and I trust that He will bless us with a child. He will give us the courage and the strength we need to realize a victory. It may not happen as quickly as I would like, but I can't see the whole picture. I'm confident that God has a child for us.
But, if for some unknown reason, our prayers aren't answered, I'll be alright. I am fulfilled now, my life is complete in Christ.
A child would just make my heart overflow with unspeakable joy, but my identity is in Christ--not a child.
I hope my testimony has been an encouragement to you.
God has taken what the adversary planned for evil and turned it into good.
All of the pain that I endured has made me stronger with God's help. He has led me to help others with similar circumstances. There's no greater satisfaction in life than working for His kingdom.
I encourage you to slow down, to be ready to serve Him, and to bask in the love of God.
He wants you to make Him first in your life.
Choose to worship Him with all your heart.
Remove any idols from your life. (Anything that is placed ahead of Him or anything that absorbs all of our time, efforts, thoughts, and energy may be idols.)
Thank you for reading this and my prayer is that you are blessed!
Your sister in Christ,
(Rick & Jane were blessed with a beautiful baby through Christian Adoption!)
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We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.
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