I REMEMBER

Written by Deborah.


4.14.02

I've tried to forget, but the despairing cries of others within the Christian Adoption family remind me to never forget.

So, I remember...

I remember the deep sorrow and pain I felt as I pleaded to God to have a child to call my very own.

I remember the sleepless nights and the countless tears I shed, hoping that I could hold a baby in my arms, instead of a tissue.

I remember the sharp pangs of pain that gripped my heart, only moments after I would see an expectant mother.

I remember the fists of anger within my head at the supposed injustice of so many pregnant teens.

I remember the deep anguish that drove me away from baby showers and friends that were rejoicing in their pregnancy.

I remember the struggle, day by day; sometimes hour by hour, that dominated my thinking.

I remember the mixed emotions of joy and sorrow that filled my mind when someone was expecting another child.

I remember the pleading, the begging, the bartering and the bantering sessions I had with our great God.

I remember holding back from events and activities that were family oriented--because I didn't know family.

I remember wondering if I was going insane from the myriad emotions that ebbed and flowed each day throughout each month.

I remember praying that I could overcome a thankless heart for God's many blessings.

I remember feeling weak because I would cave in from the pressure.

I remember cataloging the sins of my past in search of a reason why I remained childless.

I remember making deals and promises with our gracious God.

I remember the searing pain of hearing an unattended infant's cry, while out shopping.

I remember the countless times I bit my lip to refrain from verbalizing my racing thoughts when I saw abused children.

I remember the tears that streamed down my cheeks while watching movies and commercials.

I remember trying to shut out the words of certain songs playing in restaurants.

I remember and I remember and I continue to remember, because I need to remember--so my heart remains tender towards those in such pain and sorrow.

I'm trying to…

Remind others in Christian Adoption that they're not alone in their emotional challenges.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that deep sorrow and pain can be replaced with unspeakable joy.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that sleepless nights and tears of joy are a cake-walk compared to the a room full of pain.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that anyone can easily hold their baby all night long and not regret a single moment, because it's their baby.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that no matter how many times our hearts are gripped by pain, they will melt by the precious expressions of our children.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that being angry with God is often a result of fear and pride.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that humbling our hearts to Him brings peace.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that jealousy is often rooted in a merciless heart.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that day by day, even hour by hour struggles build character and strength for the challenges of parenting.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that it's possible to rejoice with others expecting another child.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that multitudes of emotions still ebb and flow even after becoming a mother.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that feeling weak from pressure helps one to rely on God's strength.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that making deals with God helps us to think we're in control.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that the pain of hearing unattended children cry is an opportunity to pray.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that streams of tears still flow while watching movies and commercials; they just come from a different part of our heart.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that the reason to remember the pain is to have compassion.

Remind others in Christian Adoption that...

I remember.


For more information please read Personal Decision.*

We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.


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