BIRTH GRANDMOTHER GAYLE COUNSELS A TEEN & HER MOTHER ABOUT ADOPTION
Written by Gayle (birth grandmother to a Christian Adoption.)
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Dear Cathy and Carla,
My name is Gayle and I am a grandmother. I'm a grandmother whose very 1st grandchild was adopted. I truly believe in my heart that this was and is God's will for my grandchild. I'm aware that you haven't asked for my opinion. However, I know that God is directing me to write this to you. Last year, we were in the same position that you are facing right now.
I believe that God didn't plan for babies to have babies. That's why lovemaking should be saved for the marriage bed. However, the fact is that physical relationships are often not reserved for marriage. And the fact that it's happened to your daughter and family doesn't cause anyone to be loved less by God. I know this seems like a lecture but I don't mean it that way. I just want you to understand why we chose adoption and hope that you'll consider it an alternative for your situation. Please read my whole letter. Just hear me out.
I was a young mother and my boyfriend married me. I was 18 and a freshman in college when I got married. I delivered my son 11 days after I turned 19 and my life was no longer my own. At that age, one plays house. You have no idea what it's like to become a responsible adult, because you don't have time to grow up into one. One goes from being a child to having a child. My husband and I didn't "grow up" together. I had to grow up immediately because of the life growing in me; Gary grew up later. I often wished that I'd chosen adoption over marriage. I do love Gary and can't imagine my life without him, but we've struggled our entire marriage. I mean STRUGGLED and there's been two of us working at making ends meet. I think that if our son Mike, had grown up with 2 established, financially secure, emotionally and spiritually mature parents, he would've had a better life. We tried and did all we could for him, but it took almost 13 years before we felt financially able to properly care for our children. Those 13 years were very difficult for my children. You see, you almost always have more children. It's a circle that doesn't seem to break, but adoption can break the cycle.
My college hopes, plans, goals and career came to a screeching halt the day we married. It was imperative for Gary to continue his education, but my future was limited. I played the part of being a student. Each day was the same as as I'd go to class, to work, come home, make dinner, do the laundry, give a little attention to our baby Mike and then fall into bed exhausted. We lived on food stamps in government subsidized apartments. We drove a car that someone else paid for and we took any job we could find. Daily we counted our pennies. For a young mind, it seems like marriage and children will be fun and easy, but it's nothing close to easy. One time I was the only one working for just 9 hours a week. We didn't have any other income and we lived on my $27 a week for the entire summer. There was no fun, laughter or joy for our family during that time. We didn't receive a welfare check because we were in college. I cannot describe to you how hard and difficult our early years of marriage were as well as the loss of our young adult years. Our child's quality of life suffered because we lacked the skills, money and energy to properly parent. Both sets of our parents helped us, but it wasn't their responsibility. I still haven't finished my degree and it bothers me that all my young years are gone. My children remain my priority and our son Mike is in college. When he finishes, Anson will begin and 2 years later Thomas will start. It never ends. Parenting never ends, and please understand--I do love my children.
When Mike came to us and told us that Allison was pregnant, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I knew I didn't want a life of struggling for my son. I knew that God didn't want that for him either. We immediately suggested adoption. We were told that it was none of our business. However, we persevered and God answered our prayers by sending many people to Mike and Allison extolling the virtues of adoption. We planted the adoption seed and the Lord watered it. God made the seemingly impossible become possible! We tried to keep a low profile in the adoption selection process, but Allison did 2 wonderful things for us. She asked Mike and I to go to a prenatal ultrasound together to see baby Sarah! Although Allison and Mike had already broken up their relationship, they did choose the adoptive couple together. Mike wanted to be involved in every step of the process, but it didn't work out that way. Both of them had begun dating other people, so the details of their future baby wasn't shared. Their lives had gone in different directions. It became a very tense and difficult time for both of our families. Tempers flared, words were exchanged and it was a terrible hardship on our families. Friends chose sides at school, I suffered in my job and began to have migraines, my husband began to travel more for additional income. Satan used every opportunity to fling poisoned arrows, trying to defeat us. We prayed more than ever to be led in the path of God's will. I know that Sarah's adoption was God's victory.
I felt, from the moment I saw Sarah in Allison's womb on the ultrasound, that God had sent the Macon family for Sarah. I even saw them clearly in my mind, before I knew who they were. I wasn't surprised to actually see their picture--they looked just like the family in my mind. God had shown me their faces. As far as we're concerned, the Macon family have always been Sarah's parents, from the day of conception. I know that sounds strange, but doesn't God confound us with His wisdom?
In our family, we are all born-again believers. That doesn't mean we don't sin, it just means that through Jesus Christ, we're forgiven when we confess our sin.
God gave us another miracle with the Macon family. They allowed us and continue to include us in Sarah's life. As I type this, I'm looking at a photo of my granddaughter. She'll grow up knowing that we're her grandparents and she'll call us Oma and Opa (German for grandparents.) We'll have a full grandparent relationship with her because David & Lynne said, "Isn't that just more people to love her?" This is something that you can have as God answers your prayers. Parenting is hard and at 16 years old, it's nearly impossible. Please Cathy, think long and hard before you decide to raise your baby by yourself. You and your family could have the same kind of relationship that we have with the Macon family. Christian Adoption has many wonderful, loving, and generous Christian couples that can provide your baby with a secure future.
Although I haven't met David & Lynne yet, I know them in my heart through God's love. We talk to each other, exchange emails, send pictures, and we pray for each other. Mike and Gary traveled from Germany to America last summer and met the entire family. We love all of them! Not just because they're Sarah's parents, but because of who they are as Christians. God placed Christian Adoption in our path and that's how we found the Macon family. God put them in our path for our Sarah. They mean so much to us and we have so much in common. One day I'll get to meet them face to face and tell them how they've changed our lives. They're raising a most precious gift, our granddaughter Sarah. God has given us His love to share. I hope my letter has helped you. God has a special family for you and your baby. You'll never know unless you trust in Him and look. Please consider the waiting couples on Christian Adoption. Please just consider looking.
For more information please read Selecting a Christian Adoption Couple.Family.*
We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.
Return to: Birth Grandparents Index
Go to: Web Site Index
Return to: Home Index
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405 email@example.com
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
We are not an adoption agency, we are not registered, we are not licensed, and we are not professional counselors.
Click here to get an adoption or IVF loan!
© All rights reserved CHRISTIAN ADOPTION