Written by Lauren.
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
My name is Lauren and I'm in the Christian Adoption Family.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I understand your pain, as we went through the same traumatic situation just 6 months ago. We were in contact with a birthmother for 4 months and traveled half way across the country to meet her in her 6th month of her pregnancy. We traveled again to attend the delivery for her baby. We were even in the delivery room when her baby girl was born. We fell in love at first sight with this precious baby girl. We named her after my grandmother and cared for her for a few weeks while we waited for the legal paperwork to return home.
When our baby was about 2 weeks old, the birthmother was handed paperwork from the birthfather--he was suing for his paternal rights. The nightmare began and without writing a book, her baby, our baby, was taken from us. The pain we felt was so deep and completely inexplicable. We had many sleepless nights full of despair and hopelessness. I felt that I had nothing left to live for and that I would never feel joy or happiness again. I was angry with God, confused, and became very depressed. I cried all the time and was often up in the middle of the night clinging to my husband, shaking and crying, not knowing if I could make it through another day. I'm sure you're going through similar if not the same emotions.
I want you to know though that I lived through the pain and I'm moving on. We continue to pray and hope for another child. But I will never forget this child and I will never stop praying for her life and safety. I will always love her and I feel in my heart that she is my first child and always will be.
Several months after the adoption fell through I was surfing the Internet and I found Christian Adoption. I spent a lot of time reading the pages of this ministry. I printed every couple's profile and then I called Deborah. She told me she was traveling to our state in a week for a Christian Adoption Family Reunion, and we were welcome to come meet other Christian Adoption couples. We attended the CAFR and had a wonderful time, since we could meet, talk and identify with other couples, just like us.
We prayed about going online and put together a new profile quickly--within a short time we were online! We had no idea that we would receive such awesome exposure, but the far greater blessing from Christian Adoption, came in the prayer support and love from the other adoptive couples. Since we've been online with Christian Adoption, we've found peace again about our "baby". This peace could only come from the many loving prayers of the Christian Adoption Family. I never thought I could move on and get past the pain of losing our baby girl. Now we look forward to God's blessings in our future!
I turned to God to heal the painful loss and to give me His peace. He has delivered my heart.
I encourage you to continue to pray for the baby you have lost. And to give your pain and suffering to God. He will heal your heart. Ask for peace and He will give it. Cry a lot, it's healthy and a good release, but also know that God has plans for you and your husband.
When I was going through my loss, Deborah at Christian Adoption said something I'll never forget,
"One of the most difficult things about your pain is that, this baby girl may never know how much you loved her, and that you still do love and pray for her. But God knows and that's all that really matters."
Try to remember that God knows how much you loved this baby girl, and that you do still love and pray for her. You may have lost her, but God has not lost you.
As I look back on my experience, if someone asked me if I could go back and erase everything that happened--I would not!
That experience was the worst pain of my life, but it was also the best experience for my life.
I wouldn't ever give up those two weeks with that adorable baby girl. I wouldn't erase being in the delivery room, naming her, changing her diapers, bathing her, and feeding her. She was ours for two weeks and those were the best two weeks of my life. We know we want to parent again, but this time we want to parent permanently.
I will pray for you and for this baby. I encourage you to mourn and in your time, move on.
I encourage you to turn to God. Give Him your pain and He will give you His peace.
Much love and concern,
(Two months after this letter was written, Charles & Lauren adopted their son through Christian Adoption, and they're living the best weeks of their lives!)
For more information please read Collections #1.
We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.
Return to: Adoptive Couples Index
Go to: Website Index
Return to: Home Index
A Christian ministry helping birth parents & Christian couples for over 14 years!
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405 email@example.com
Deborah S. Niles P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
We are not an adoption agency, we are not registered, we are not licensed, and we are not professional counselors.
Click here to get an adoption or IVF loan!
© All rights reserved CHRISTIAN ADOPTION