Written by Ericka.
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
HOW CHRISTIAN ADOPTION FOUND ME!
My name is Ericka and I usually keep this kind of stuff to myself, but I thought my story might help other women like me, who can’t have biological children. Please don’t feel sad after reading my story, but happy that I and others like me, have made it through such horrible experiences. With God’s strength, I’ve been able to get back up and believe. Because of Him and Christian Adoption, I believe in goodness again.
Here’s my story...
Matthew and I have been together for about 10 years. We wanted children right after we married. In spite of many female problems, every Dr. said, “You’re fine and there’s no problem.” I thought all women experienced as much pain as I had, all the time; they just learned how to deal with it.
I remember my wedding day too clearly. The photographer kept telling me to relax and smile. But I was standing crooked because of the severe pain in my abdomen. After our reception, I went to bed and everyone else went out to celebrate. After a year of trying to have children, the Dr. told me, “You’re healthy, just fine, no problem.”
So, we went to a specialist and we did 7 artificial inseminations. I became pregnant, but lost the baby at 6 wks. The pain continued and I began insisting on more tests to determine its cause. Endometriosis doesn’t show up on X-rays, Cat scans or MRI, so we set a surgery date. I woke up to learn that I was covered in endometriosis. It was all over my organs, blocking my left tube, and all over my ovaries.
Finally, I had confirmation that my pain was real and it had a name. There was great deliverance in getting to the source of the pain. Post surgery, I became pregnant and miscarried, again at 6 wks.
I told the Dr. the disease was back and they said, “Impossible, it can’t come back that quickly.”
I didn’t want to go any further. I couldn’t handle another loss and I was embarrassed by my inability to carry a baby full term.
Matthew wanted us to do invitro; the Dr. said it would work for sure. I knew if I tried everything medically possible, I wouldn’t feel guilty later. I had a bad feeling about the procedure though, but I wanted to try this for my husband. I’d met so many people that had succeeded with invitro. We decided to empty our savings account and go for it. A couple of months into the invitro process, I started feeling really sick and had the worst pain I’d ever felt. I had to quit my job of 15 years. My employer was great and understood what we were going through. The plan was to go back to work when invitro was over, but the pain was so bad, I could barely walk.
The Dr. said, “This is how invitro works.”
One time a nurse, in another rush visit to the emergency room, looked at me and said, “Welcome to pregnancy; get used to it. You're just being a baby, suck it up.”
I ended up in another emergency room 2 days later, after throwing up all day because of increased pain. I couldn’t even walk into the hospital. The ultrasound showed a pregnancy of twins, a few weeks along. I heard them talking about how huge my ovaries were and how big my stomach was so early in the pregnancy. I looked about 5 months along, instead of 5 weeks. I was scared to death lying on that table, crying with pain and being talked about, like I wasn’t even in the room. It was finally determined I had ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome (the ovaries swell up to the size of a uterus and the body starts to carry fluids in the stomach.) Only 1 in 100 gets this condition—and I was that 1. It’s caused from over medicating and a failure to monitor the ovaries. If this occurs, they’re supposed to stop meds immediately and cancel the invitro procedure (before the embryo is placed into the uterus.)
They said the babies were fine and in about 6 weeks, the pain would go away. I went home to full bed rest, and threw up all day, everyday. But I was determined to fight for my babies. At 7 weeks, I hobbled in pain to another ultrasound. One baby didn’t make it and I was devastated. It was very hard to go through this without my husband, because he was working overtime to help pay the mounting medical bills. (We spent about $50,000 trying to have a baby.)
I started to cry and the Dr. said, “My job is done now, so make an appointment with your OB/GYN.” My baby’s heartbeat was so strong, and no one seemed to care. By this time, I’d lost all trust in what the Dr. said or recommended. Actually, I didn’t believe in anything anymore. At 2 days short of my 3 month mark, with unbearable pain, I began bleeding everywhere. I was rushed to the Dr. and they did another ultrasound. I could see my baby and it was so big. But the technician said nothing and when I looked at her face, I began to cry. She finally said, “I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat.”
I begged her to readjust the ultrasound wand and check again. There wasn’t any heartbeat fluttering, like I’d seen before.
“But why am I in so much pain and throwing up constantly?”
“The baby is dead, but you’re still feeding the placenta.”
They scheduled a D&C immediately. This was the worst day of my life and my breaking point. I no longer trusted anyone or believed in anything good. The surgeon came in and went over everything with Matthew and I, as I pleaded for another ultrasound. My husband calmed me down, and I asked the Dr. to hold my hand, as they wheeled me away—and he did. I cried nonstop for weeks. When I went for my check up appointment, the waiting room was filled with pregnant women. Still in indescribable mental, physical and emotional pain, I shuffled into to see the Dr.'s room and said, “Please make the pain go away.”
We tried to save my ovaries at the next surgery, and the Dr. held my hand as I was once again pushed into the sterile operating room. I later learned that the left ovary was in little pieces and had attached itself to my organs (a condition that’s 10 times more painful than childbirth.) The Dr. scraped out all the endometriosis, removed all of the ovary pieces, removed my cervix, removed my uterus, removed my left tube, all the polyps he found, removed 5 cysts, and repaired all of my other organs that were damaged. I woke up the next day alone in a hospital in a mental fog, but with plenty of pain. After some recovery time at home, I ended up back in the hospital with serious surgical infections. The antibiotics were so strong that I continued throwing up constantly. Having major abdominal surgery with bouts of vomiting—the pain, well, you can imagine. I had to heal without pain meds, so the antibiotics would stay down. It took about 13 weeks to walk again, and I still have a small limp.
I decided to take apart our nursery—I just didn’t want to see it anymore. One day when my sister was helping me, the door bell rang.
I was very embarrassed to answer the door because I was still in pajamas and hadn’t combed my hair.
My sister said, “Ericka, you have to get back to life and answer the door.”
With a red swollen face from countless tears, I answered the door. It was my husband's friend Richard.
I told him, “Matthew is at work, but I’ll tell him you stopped by.”
“I have something for you,” as he handed me a piece of paper and left.
I returned to the nursery and read on the paper: www.christianadoption.com
The next day I called Deborah at www.christianadoption.com
Her voice was very calming and for some reason I really wanted to trust her. I didn’t own a computer or a cell phone, but I really liked talking to someone that cared. I had a feeling she’d been through pain and suffering, maybe even like my story. After a couple months of talking to Deborah, I realized I was starting to trust someone again and it felt really good. When my last biopsy came back negative, I knew what action to take—to place our hopes in God through Christian Adoption. Now, I understand that it wasn’t God’s fault all of this happened to me. I only wanted someone to blame for my pain and because I felt bad about myself. Now, I know God has chosen a different path for me. He forgives me for falling apart and not believing in anyone, anything or in Him for awhile. I needed time to heal. I needed time to read the testimonies and stories of deliverance on Christian Adoption. Deborah has supported me and I know I’m not alone anymore. My pity party is over.
We have to get up and live for Him. We need to believe in God.
This painful experience has only made me stronger. I believe my story can help someone else.
I know my dream to become a mother will happen.
Thank you Deborah and Christian Adoption for restoring my faith in God and in myself.
I’m ready and willing to wait for our birth parents to find us through Christian Adoption.
I have a new family of brothers and sisters that love and support us.
I thank God for the birthmothers that help make Christian Adoption couple’s dreams a reality.
I know I’ll become a mom one day!
For more information please read Ericka-2.
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