Written by Carin.

Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Spring '10

I met my husband Mike when I was a sophomore in high school. We’ve been happily married for almost 20 years. We tried for several years to have children. We did many rounds of infertility drugs and a great deal of testing. We were referred to a fertility center and had 4 IVF attempts. One IVF cycle succeeded but we had an early miscarriage. We began to look at other options. God led our hearts to pursue adoption. Neither of us knew much about adoption nor did we know anyone that could help guide us through the process. Through a great deal of research and education, we decided on an open adoption relationship. As a child, I had a personal situation that left me feeling betrayed by my family. There were people in my life that I knew, but didn’t know to be “my family” until I was 21. The devastating lies that surrounded my childhood and early adult life affected my mindset. I determined to not hold back information or keep loved ones away from any of my own children.

My initial desire was to pursue an open adoption relationship with a birth family. Even if that meant a limited relationship or just information about the birth family. I didn’t want our adopted child to grow up with unanswered questions. Little did I know, that we would match with a birthmother that would give us a wonderful new understanding of the word FAMILY.

We began our adoption journey by mailing out 3,000 adoption profiles. They were mailed on Mother's Day 1995. We were ready to start a family...until the phone rang! On the other end of that ring, was a sweet, soft little voice, who was our birthmother! She was the first to call us and she won our hearts. She was 14 years old and in a foster home. The father was 16 and was living in a separate foster home. She was 4 months pregnant and her mind was made up about adoption. She chose our profile from hundreds of others. God is amazing! We continued to talk over the phone several times a week and then we made arrangements to meet. We flew to Florida and our meeting went well. We made plans to be a part of her delivery and returned home.

On my way to work in mid-December, my husband called,

"Turn back around and come home honey, we're having a baby!"

I couldn’t think, I couldn’t drive and I had to pull over just to breathe. Shaking and trembling I couldn’t believe it was finally going to happen. I was going to be a mother! I managed to call into work but I could only cry out words. My co-worker finished the rest of the sentence, "ARE WE HAVING A BABY? OH MY GOSH, CALL US AS SOON AS YOU CAN. WE LOVE YOU!" Mike was busy booking airline tickets for us and his sister, who was coming along for moral support. We left for the airport with our hearts full of excitement, but halfway there we hit snow. When we finally arrived at the airport, we heard that all flights were delayed coming and going. We were surrounded by a snow and ice storm. Florida was having tropical storms with heavy winds. Both airports were canceling all flights. We sat for HOURS and tried every possible way to get a flight anywhere, but to no avail. This couldn’t be happening--we would miss the delivery! We had to get to Florida--we’re having a baby! We were a bundle of emotions, and after many tears, as well as frustration, we couldn’t stand it any longer. Mike went to the bathroom and after a long time, he came back and said, “Get your things, we’re leaving.” He’d thrown the plane tickets away. He’d been told at the ticket counter that there wouldn’t be any flights until Christmas! Mike had already rented a car and decided we were going to go to Florida, one way or another. The 3 of us took turns driving in the snow and ice, the rain, and then the thunderstorms until we reached sunshine.

Although our son was born without us, the delivery was video taped. Our birthmother's foster mother stepped in and helped her through the delivery. She was so excited when we called her and to say, “We’re in the parking lot!” Family and friends met us at the front door of the hospital and led us to our son. HE WAS BEAUTIFUL! But our birthmother was even more beautiful. She was such a young girl that was growing up very fast. She had so many emotions swirling inside. She was primarily worried about us. How were we? Were we tired? Had we eaten? So thoughtful and so considerate--so sweet and so young. She hugged and held onto us tightly, but then gently pushed us away as she said, "Now, it’s time to meet your son!"

Mere words cannot explain how I felt on that day. That day, that time, that moment, that everything I will cherish forever. On December 20th, our lives changed forever. We changed as individuals, as a married couple, as a family, we became parents, and our entire extended family changed. Not only as parents, but as individuals and as a family. Our stay in Florida got delayed just as our arrival did. Due to Christmas, everything was held up and delayed. Our 2-day trip turned into an 8-day trip.

Our birthmother's foster mother took us in as her own and welcomed us into her families' hearts to celebrate their Christmas traditions. We laughed, sang Christmas carols and watched her home turn into a winter wonderland full of eggnog and gingerbread houses. We bonded with our birthparents over those 8 days and they were able to spend a extra time with their son.

Going into adoption, we'd hoped for a little information and a gateway to openness in the future. Our son is a teen now and our relationship with our birthmother has become richer than we ever thought possible. We've continued to bond over these many years, and I've watched her grow up into a young woman. She's married with four children! She doesn't regret her decision to place her son with us. We don't regret choosing open adoption.

We hope that our relationship remains strong and that our son will grow to know that he is blessed to have an "extended family" through the miracle of adoption.


(Mike & Carin are blessed beyond measure with their son & Christian Adoption!)

For more information please read Kassandra.

We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.

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