BETTER BECAUSE OF ADOPTION
This is a response from one of our Christian Adoption family members, Lynda, to Verna that E-mailed us (Christian Adoption--Deborah) for help and counsel. Most names have been changed to protect privacy.
Dear Verna,
My name is Lynda and I am the adoptive mother of three. I am also a cancer survivor, a divorce survivor and a less-than-stellar Christian that God just will not let go of. Deborah sent me a copy of your E-mail and I have not quite known how to reply, though I know that given the chance to talk to you in person I would have much to say. Here are some of my thoughts that I hope will help you.
Sometimes when you are at my place it is hard to remember the hopelessness that you once felt. I have grown so much in the last few years and the growth has been drastically increased by the cervical cancer that stole my ability to reproduce, the chance of a surrogate carrying our biological child falling through, and most of all through the adoption of each of my three children.
Being called to adopt is not being called to second best. It is being called in to a unique and beautiful place. When you are blessed through parenting children that are not biologically yours, you know things that other parents never will. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what God gave me was BEST. He has been so faithful and true, even when I have not been. I am so GRATEFUL that I was not able to reproduce. I am so GRATEFUL for the baby my sister got pregnant with when she was just weeks away from being implanted with my child. BUT, when I was where you are I could not utter those words. Gratitude was not in my heart.
Now, I have a full plate. My children are 2 1/2, 16 months, and 13 months. It is hard to remember the longing years. It can be that way for you as well. You have to take the plunge, step out on faith - - Deborah is right - - the longing to parent will not go away and only being a parent will fill that. God made you to be a mother, just maybe not to a biological child. You are not being punished, you are being BLESSED. You may even one day find yourself feeling sorry for those who did it the 'regular' way - - there is so much that they miss. I could tell you emotional stories about our birthmothers. I could tell you about God's hand in each of our adoptions. I could tell you, in detail, about how each of our children were hand-picked by God for us. But the best thing I can tell you is this: "When your baby is ready to be placed in your arms, you must be available. How can your baby find you if you are not actively pursuing adoption? Start praying for your birthmother, daily and diligently. God can only work for you when you work for yourself."
I don't mean to be harsh, just real. As for your husband, I think that is a concern. Still, if he is like most men, he will surprise you. They really don't know how to be for us when we are hurting so much. If he gets excited about adoption and you face disappointment there as well, then what? He is probably hurting too, but must be strong for you. Only you really know him, but my guess is that he's not being totally honest with his feelings, maybe even to himself. My husband took a little longer, let me do all the legwork. At our first adoption education class, he had big tears in his eyes as he told a story to the class of his love for me and how he made a choice to never have 'his own' children when he met me, knowing I couldn't do that for him. He is a tremendous father. His growth has also been amazing. When we met, he was somewhat racist, much to my dismay. (He had a choice: get over it or lose me.) He is now the PROUD father of an African American/Caucasian son. Once again, there is so much that adoption has done for us. We are better people, better parents, better spouses. I pray that happens for you and your husband as well.
In Christ,
Lynda
For more information please read Know and Diane. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
adoption@christianadoption.com
A non-profit Christian and Internet
service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption
process.
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
www.christianadoption.com adoption@christianadoption.com
