"TO HIM WHO IS ABLE"

Written by one of our Christian Adoption couples. Names have been changed to protect privacy.

(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)


Alex and I had been married for almost 2 years. We were buying our first home and we were ready (at least I was) to start our family. We started trying to conceive and month after month I would be disappointed. We knew before we married that we might have trouble getting pregnant, but it never occurred to me that is was something that couldn’t be "fixed". We started going through infertility testing and we were eventually told that, barring a miracle, the only way we would become pregnant was through in vitro fertilization. I believe in miracles, but I was not about to sit around and wait for God to drop one in my lap. We looked into in vitro and after learning about the cost and relatively small success rate, and that it's not covered by most insurance policies, we knew that it was not an option for us. There were many days of tears and asking myself, "Why did God do this to us?" As far as I can remember, all I ever wanted to be was a Mommy. Alex and I were good people. We were active in our church. We wanted to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Didn’t God know this? My next step was going on the Internet. One way that I deal with challenges is to try to find as much information as possible concerning that problem. I guess my thoughts turned to adoption rather quickly as I was not about to give up my dream of being a mother, but I was not sure how Alex would feel about it. I asked him one night as we were driving to visit family. His answer made me love him even more. "I think it’s fine. Maybe that’s what God has in mind for us." Next I asked him about foreign adoption and he said, "It doesn’t matter to me where our children come from." This gave me hope and a renewed energy, so back to the Internet. I had seen some kind of Christian adoption agency the day before, but I couldn’t remember the name or how I had found it. I decided to type in Christian adoption. Maybe I could find it that way. Christian Adoption came right up, so I clicked on it and the web site was staring back at me. I started reading through it, page by page. This seemed too good to be true! Here I found other Christian couples praying to adopt also. So many of the pages read exactly how I felt. Someone understood my feelings and me! I took a few days to read through several of the pages and printed them and to take them for Alex. At the time, we didn’t have a computer with Internet access at home, so I went to the library every chance I got. Alex read the pages and seemed interested, but I think he was a little skeptical too. Men definitely deal with their feelings a lot differently than women. I told him that I was going to call. I called one afternoon, expecting to hear some generic message on an answering machine, but Deborah answered the phone. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even talk at first. I remember asking her a few questions about the web site and adoption and apologizing because everything was still so new to me, I didn’t know what to ask. Deborah was so patient and she helped me remember my faith in God and to trust Him. I knew that God had led me to find Christian Adoption. I continued to share all of the information with Alex and to study the web site. I told my parents about it and asked them to "check it out", then let us know what they thought. I didn’t want to jump at something out of desperation. We prayed and prayed and asked God for direction. We knew that this was where God was leading us. We went to our minister and told him about our desire for children and how we felt that God was leading us to adopt and to register with Christian Adoption. We prayed together with him for God’s guidance. We also announced to our church family our desire to adopt and asked for their prayer support. Finally we were ready. We started to compose our "Dear Birth parent" letter. It was so hard! We prayed for God to give us the right words to convey our hearts. Soon everything was ready to be mailed. We prayed over our letter asking God to bless it and to lead the right birth parents to find it. Shortly thereafter, we were online! We waited and prayed and told everyone that we were praying to adopt. We prayed for the other Christian Adoption couples on the web site, rejoicing with them as they adopted, grieving with them through the more difficult times. I knew our turn would come. About 3 months after coming online we received an email from birth parents from across the country. We responded to their email and answered their questions. They called us the next day to tell us that they had chosen us. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to be a Mother! I cried tears of joy. We went and bought baby clothes and planned our trip (even thought it was still almost 8 months away) Our families were thrilled. Almost two months later, the birth father emailed us to tell us that they had changed their minds. We were devastated. As much as we were hurting, God still provided a special peace that assured us--He would answer our prayer in His timing. We still trusted Him to give us His best. We were back to waiting and watching. I could see that God was working in me, as He was molding and refining me. I didn’t know that it was just the beginning though. We were contacted by several other birth parents, but each time for some reason unknown to us, it just didn’t work out. I would often wonder, "How long?" as I watched family members and friends become pregnant and give birth to their babies while I was still waiting for my empty arms to be filled. God was working on me the whole time, and I was growing up in Him. Disappointments and tears make the journey so challenging. Finally, after yet another disappointment, I gave up. I don’t mean that I quit, but I finally gave it up to God. I had had enough. I was tired and I couldn’t fight it any more. I gave it to God and for once I did not take it back. God had to break me for me to realize that no matter how hard I tried or how much I wanted to, I could not "fix" this; only He could. I could not believe the change that I felt! I didn't have the intense sadness that I had felt before. Only a few weeks later (on a Tuesday), I came home from work to find a message on our answering machine and an email from a birthmother. She wanted to place her 4-month old son and was considering us. Would we be interested? I excitedly called Alex and then I called Carrie. We talked for three hours! She was so easy to talk to, it seemed like we already knew each other. We made arrangements that day that we would meet on Saturday. We talked again on Wednesday so we could talk to the birth father Jack, and set up a time to meet with both of them. We talked every day either on the phone or through email. They had made a decision---they decided to place their son with us! Friday night as we were dusting the nursery, packing things and getting every thing ready, I became quite scared. I was so scared. I called Deborah and asked her if it was normal to be having a panic attack the night before and she assured me that I was completely normal! That helped set my mind at ease. I just kept praying that God would make it clear to us that this was His will. We arrived at Carrie and Jack's apartment around 11 a.m.. When we walked in Carrie asked, "Which one of you wants to hold your son first?" I took off my coat and reached for him. As soon as we walked through the door, everything became very clear. God had planned this child for us! Every fear and doubt that I ever had melted away instantly. I could not believe that I was finally holding a beautiful baby, our new son. We brought him home that day with us! We were initially contacted on Tuesday and brought home our son on Saturday! Now as I watch our son, Christian, laughing hysterically when we play with him; or I receive a big, wet, open-mouthed kiss on my cheek from him; or as I listen to Alex (who has always been self-conscious about his singing) hold our son close and hum him to sleep, I cannot help but be in complete awe of God. His ways and His timing cannot be fathomed! God has blessed us with our little miracle. God has entrusted us with a wonderful son. He has also sent us a birthmother who is sweeter that we ever could imagined possible. She loved Christian enough to put him first and opened her heart to God’s leading. The scripture that continues to come to mind is, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:20)

I've had people ask me, "Don’t you remember all the hurt that you went through while you were waiting for him?" And I gladly reply, "Yes, I do remember a lot of it--but it's fading with each day. It is nothing in comparison to the joy I have now with my son Christian. Without hesitation, I would do it all over again to hold this precious child."


For more information please read Requirements and Collections. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.


                                                                                                                                                

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Deborah S. Hill   P.O. Box 243   Coffeyville, KS  67337    

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