FAQ'S
1. How do birthmoms find Christian Adoption?
Imagine any possible/conceivable way that we as humans can communicate with each other; then factor in the supernatural way in which God can communicate with His children--and that's how birthmoms find Christian Adoption. Too vague? Okay, birthmoms come to CA through the Internet (primary source); by word of mouth, from posted flyers/business cards/personal adoption cards; birthmother homes/maternity home social workers; hospitals-nurses/social workers/physicians; attorneys; agencies; advertisements on park benches; posters on church bulletin boards; Crisis Pregnancy Centers; church memberships across the country that know about CA; family members of adoptive couples or of other birthmoms that have placed with us; neighbors of adoptive couples or of other birthmoms that have placed with us; birthmoms that have previously placed with us often send their friends to CA; home study social workers; city/community maps that have our ads in them; prayer bulletins with many different denominations where we advertise; adoption publications; home school resource lists; Internet web site links; Christian organizations; community clubs that we've spoken at/advertised with; high school bulletins/sports programs; TV advertising; radio talks shows…the list goes on and on. We've been getting the "word" out about Christian Adoption for over 7 years and God has honored our diligence and the faithful prayerful support of our Christian Adoption family.
2. How many birthmoms call Christian Adoption directly?
65% of the birthmoms that come to CA call the administrator of CA, directly. The other 35% of birthmom contacts either call an adoptive couple on their toll free number or E-mail them directly. These statistics remind the adoptive couple of the importance of having a toll free number/answering machine and the need to have a working E-mail address/checking for messages on a regular basis.
3. Is Christian Adoption still advocating for adoptive couples that are listed with Christian Adoption?
Absolutely! We just don't list the many ways in which we continue to advertise/publicize our service because it's just a part of our day to day living. (You'd be amazed how the children that God gave to us [Asian daughter & Hispanic/Native American Indian son] are walking advertisements for Christian Adoption! Consistently, they hand out CA contact cards to folks in restaurants, gas stations, places we visit/travel/shop…)
4. In what way is Christian Adoption promoting its services to reach more birthmoms?
#1 PRAYER; #2 Internet; #3 Integrity/honesty=best word of mouth advertising; #4 Advertising--various media venues; #5 PRAYERS of our CA family.
5. How many calls/contacts should we expect to receive in any given period of time?
Pray and expect to receive only 1 call/contact--YOUR BIRTHMOM that will successfully place with you! To successfully adopt a child, an adoptive couple only needs 1 fully committed/honest birthmom. If she's a believing believer Christian that's God led--that's all bonus! If an adoptive couple has expectations to receive only THEIR call from THEIR birthmom--and no other contacts--the waiting period doesn't seem so tediously painful/filled with moments of frustration and rejection. Any calls/contacts besides THE ONE, is extra. It's a mind set that an adoptive couple can achieve, as they work TOGETHER, PRAY together, hold each other up in the process and remain COMMITTED to adopt God's best for their lives. Expect and pray for nothing less than GOD'S BEST for your family. If and when a placement fails to happen, make your mind trust in God's providence for your family. Trust in the ways that He protects your family, your hearts, your future, other children you already have--from a greater pain/heartache. He sees the BIG, TOTAL, ETERNAL picture. We see only pieces. The most difficult part of the adoption journey is waiting. Read the updates we send out, re-read web pages that initially blessed you, journal your emotions/thoughts/prayers as a legacy for your child.
6. Does the administrator of Christian Adoption have "favorites" that are selected for adoption placement?
Although many adoptive couples think we have "favorites" in our CA family, most do not verbalize their thoughts to us. However, much to people's amazement, we PUSH our minds to obey God's instruction in His Word to not be a respecter of persons. Adoptive couples that contact us regularly just to let us know, "we're still out here", don't understand that all waiting couple's profiles are on the wall to the right of our computer--with no regard to "who came online first or has been online the longest". Nor is anyone's profile "tabbed/marked/labeled" in any way. Every couple has equal "footing and occupies their own space" in our Christian Adoption family. Adoptive couples that fail to answer our messages are treated with respect and courtesy, but bring us unnecessary frustration. The logic in God's impeccable timing is His logic. Most of the time we feel that our position is to stand "aside" and support each adoptive couple, as God does HIS thing in their lives. We cannot seem to remind our CA family enough, that we too have traveled the adoption journey. We felt such rejection by the world's systems of "who was first, who was richest, who 'showed well' (a familiar adoption agency term), who had the best job/house/etc." that when we began to help couples in the adoption process--we worked hard to treat others just the opposite. Since a couple's age, size of home, job description, physical appearance, fertility or infertility has no bearing on someone's ability to parent--we place no emphasis on this information. None of this criteria matters to God, nor to us at Christian Adoption.
7. Is there a reason why some adoptive couples "match" before other waiting couples?
The best way to answer that question is to send each inquirer to our heavenly Father for His answer. Since we do not "match" birthmoms w/adoptive couples, but rather direct birthmoms to trust God for clear guidance in selecting a couple for placement; we encourage couples that are waiting to "match" to continue in prayer for God's perfect timing. Praying for your baby, even if not yet conceived, as well as your birthmom (even though she may not have found CA or you yet) is the best spiritual approach to Christian Adoption.
8. How do we know that our profile is being read/reviewed by potential birthmoms/agencies/attorneys?
You don't know how many "hits" you're receiving, because our confidence is not in statistics, but in God. However, we know that the web site is being studied/reviewed by birthmoms (because they tell CA or the couple they choose for placement), by agencies (because they call us w/inquiries), and by attorneys (because they contact us for more info. about CA couples). To think outside of the world's stats [the fleshly dots] requires disciplined thinking. My BEST recommendation is to STOP/CEASE/REFUSE to put TIME limitations on God's impeccable timing--then the number of calls/contacts anyone does/doesn't receive is moot.
9. What can we do to encourage birthmoms to read/review our profile?
Pray for your birthmom, for her heart, for her peace of mind, and for her confidence in God's guidance for her child's future. Birthmoms that come to CA, fully committed/convicted and supported by their families and our CA adoption family follow through w/their placement decision.
10. Why is the wait so much longer for some adoptive couples than others?
I have a few personal ideas why some couples wait longer, but my ideas/opinions don't matter. What does matter is how adoptive couples choose to handle the CHRISTIAN adoption process. How is their vertical relationship with God, first and foremost? How is their horizontal relationship with their spouse, their other children (if applicable), and with birthmothers in general? (Does the adoptive couple have an arrogant attitude toward birthmoms? Does the adoptive couple feel better/superior to their birthmom?) Is the adoptive couple earnestly seeking to adopt a child through honest/humble prayer and obedience to God's leading? or Is the adoptive couple assuming that God will answer their prayers, because they deserve it or because they deem themselves to be SO worthy to be given the gift of a child? It's the spiritual vertical and horizontal relationships that help or thwart the adoption process.
11. Where do birthmoms come from that contact Christian Adoption?
99% of the birthmoms that contact CA are U.S. citizens--from all over the country. We've also worked/counseled with birthmoms residing in Germany, Holland, Canada and Japan.
12. Why can't we specify age, gender, and approximate time that we want to adopt our child?
CA is a prayer based/faith based ministry, helping others in their adoption process. We don't have "rosters" of waiting children, but rather trust in God's impeccable timing and His stellar deliverance for His people--that trust in Him. We offer a number of "adoption categories for consideration" for adoptive couples to be listed under and to assist birthmoms in their search for an adoptive family. Although it's God's prerogative to answer prayers, as He deems best for our lives, we understand that praying specifically about all facets of the adoption process is Biblical principle. However, sometimes-adoptive couples become unyielding and adamant in their prayers, thus hampering their adoption success. As Christians that trust in the one true God, it is prudent that we do just that--trust in HIS perfect love and blessings for our lives.
13. Why can't Christian Adoption guarantee that we will adopt within a specified period of time?
We cannot guarantee when, how, in what way, and where God's answers for building a family through adoption will occur. Neither can we guarantee that a birthmom will definitely place her child for adoption. What we can guarantee is that God is still answering the prayers of His people. God is still hearing the prayers of His people. God is faithful to heal, deliver, guide, strengthen, encourage, instruct, and comfort the hearts of His people, as they rely upon Him.
14. What is the toll free number used for with/in Christian Adoption?
We offer a toll free number to assist birthmoms and waiting adoptive couples in the placement process. We offer this toll free number service as a convenience and a blessing. We use this toll free number for answering questions and counseling those in the adoption triad. This is also our main phone line for uploading files online as well as sending/receiving E-mail. As a result this line is in use OFTEN.
15. Sometimes when we call on the toll free number--it's busy, why?
As just stated, we use this line for answering questions from birthmoms/adoptive couples, counseling, receiving leads, assisting those in our CA family prior/during their adoption process; as well as uploading files online, sending/receiving E-mail.
16. Sometimes when we call on the toll free number--we get the answering machine, why?
Although there is no set pattern, sometimes we're screening calls because of possible placement problems--and we're recording the messages for possible future reference. Since we're home schooling our children, during their Bible time in school, we screen calls and only answer those from birthmoms or emergencies. Occasionally, I like to take a shower or use the bathroom! Our 2 phone lines ring 24 hours a day/7 days a week. We do our best to answer phone calls as quickly as possible as well as make our lives available to assist those in our CA family.
17. How many phone calls does CA receive per day?
Every day is new in God's ministry of Christian Adoption! The record number of calls per day (24-hour period) was 50 calls between the CA line and our home line. YIKES! Since, we refuse to be conditioned by numbers/volume, if the phone rings 20/day or 1/day we're unmoved in our confidence in God's ability to answer the prayers of His people.
18. What type of adoptions do you assist with or represent?
We represent adoptive couples who are primarily pursuing independent adoption. Independent adoption is not through the state foster care system nor is it an agency based adoption-Domestic or International. In other words, adoptive couples can pursue adoption through several avenues. A. Domestic adoption agency (they have their own rules/regs) and we have no jurisdiction over what or how they assist others in the adoption process. B. International adoption agency (they have their own rules/regs subject to the country of adoption) and we have no jurisdiction over what or how they assist others in the adoption process. C. State Foster Care system placements are controlled/managed by each state and we cannot help/assist/expedite/legislate how their process will or will not work. D. Adoption Attorneys have their own method of acquiring birthmom leads, their own agenda for "matching", and their own approach to charges (a base rate plus expenses, a total package fee, billable hours, and/or a combination of any of the aforementioned); and we have no control/influence/input as to how an adoptive couple is treated. E. Independent placement means that a birthmom chooses an adoptive couple independently from any of the above adoption options. In this adoption venue we can be most effective in assisting birthmoms and adoptive couples, because no one is legislating the relationship and the decision making process. We recognize that some states have some criteria limiting the involvement or support between a birthmom and adoptive couple, but in this particular category we can be most effective in helping those in the adoption triad.
19. Are you suggesting that you don't support any agency, State Foster Care, and/or attorney adoptions?
NO! But our niche is independent adoption and that's where we are most effective in assisting others in the adoption process. We will gladly pray with/for any of our CA family that chooses other adoption options. We encourage every CA couple to pray and to rely upon God's guidance as to where, how, and what they should do in/during/through their adoption journey. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much and we cannot begin to understand nor fathom the short and long-term benefit of the prayers within our CA family for and with each other. Our service is for those that are pursuing adoption, primarily independently, and our service fee applies to those that list with us as clearly stated on our web site: "…until you adopt or up to a period of one year". Up until either condition is fulfilled, we're totally on board, with every CA couple. However, if they are convicted to pursue adoption elsewhere or via another source (State Foster Care or International Agency) then we're confident that God will bless them where He is leading them--hence, there's no reason to remain online with our service. In the early years we were convicted that EVERY couple would successfully adopt directly through our service. However, we've learned (and accepted) that CA may be a "stepping stone" and part of a growing process for an adoptive couple. Our responsibility to serve others in the adoption process may be fulfilled without the successful adoption of a child directly through CA.
20. What is the adoption triad?
Birth parents (typically birthmother), adoptive couple and child(ren).
21. How many times have the administrators of Christian Adoption successfully adopted?
We've adopted twice during the past 7 years, our children are 4 years apart in age (Danielle was 16 months old; Samuel a newborn). After many miscarriages and many years of infertility treatments, we entered the adoption arena in January 1995. We pursued adoption full tilt--"getting a child" became my full time job and obsession. (We tried juggling infertility/adoption simultaneously for another year--and learned the mind doesn't handle both "realms" effectively.) By the fall of 1996, we'd experienced 8 failed placements (3 in 1 week) and had spent unfathomable amounts of money. We then began turning down adoption leads. We were "burned out" and at the bottom of the emotional barrel. (That's often when we receive the greatest deliverance, because we're finally humble enough to follow God's guidance, rather than our own.) In October of 1996, we began the HTML code work for CA. Christian Adoption went online on December 2, 1996 and 25 days later we received "the" phone call about our Danielle. Within 24 hours we were in Los Angeles holding her in our arms and became parents within 15 seconds of de-boarding the plane. TO GOD BE THE GLORY! HIS TIMING IS IMPECCABLE. His ways are higher. HE provides His best for HIS children that continue to TRUST in HIM. Are we brilliant regarding the adoption roller coaster ride? No, but we have some experience and are fully convicted that God is faithful to deliver.
22. Are CA families being chosen even if they already have a child/children (biological or adopted)?
ABSOLUTELY! At any time one can peruse the lists of Successfully Adopted families and see photos that verify that God answers the prayers of His people. Birthmoms are generally seeking to place either with a couple without children, so their child will be the first in the family. Or they're praying to find a Christian family that has children, to be certain the newly adopted child will have siblings.
23. What can we do (in the senses realm) to help ourselves/our profile while pursuing adoption?
We offer a number of suggestions on the web site and provide numerous samples for your consideration. A few "givens" include: a clear clean photo on the main page of the profile (a picture is worth a 1000 words & we live in a visual culture), photos that help describe you/your lifestyle (the same scenery photographed over and over again doesn't communicate much about your lives), and a toll free number (birthmoms calling from college dorms/payphones appreciate a toll free number & people in general travel the paths of least resistance).
24. How can we acquire a toll free number?
We've used a company called Telecare for 7 years with complete satisfaction and VERY dependable service. The toll free number "rides" on top of your home number, so you would still use your regular long distance carrier when making long distance calls. They'll assign a number to you in about 10 days and their charge is $1/month & 9 cents/minute when someone calls YOU on that toll free number. [I.E. You call a friend on your own long distance carrier, but when someone calls you on the toll free number, the billing of 9 cents/minute begins.] We've been sending them a lot of business over the years and if you mention Christian Adoption, they give us a credit on our next bill. We're not trying to "sell" you on them; we're offering this information to assist you if you're interested. TELECARE: 1.800.466.1550
25. Should we network and/or list our profile all over the Internet?
A 5-senses answer: Network--absolutely! Tell everyone you know and all their neighbors that you're pursuing and praying to adopt. Solicit the prayers and support of your church family and your extended family's church families. [If you're looking for a job, don't you tell a few people about it? If you really want a job, don't you tell everyone?] Listing your profile all over the Internet is a husband & wife decision. Each couple must decide where they'll cross the line into the category of fear (fearing that God will not deliver or that He is not guiding your steps). Most couples want a "pat answer" from us on this subject of Internet listings--but we don't visit other web sites, so we don't even know what's out there in cyberspace. We stopped perusing other adoption web sites over 6 years ago. We're obeying God's leading in CA and we don't need to know what anyone else is doing--it's not relevant to following His guidance.
Our experience with our 1st adoption: We told everybody and their brother we wanted to adopt and I made it my full time job to find a child--with no success. We were the first couple on Christian Adoption and adopted within a month of being online. (Boy, was that a God deal!) Our experience with our 2nd adoption: We were ambivalent about taking action, thus telling no one and God delivered a birthmom to us that we refused 3 times, before we agreed to adopt her baby. (Boy, was that another God deal!) Each couple needs to find a balance, God's balance and His peace. There are NO absolute mathematical formulas for receiving deliverance.
A spiritual answer: Follow God's guidance no matter what anyone else says or thinks. God knows your hearts, your needs, your lives, your fears, and your strengths better than you do. Go where He leads you--and go in His peace. Do what He directs you to do--and do so with His peace. The greatest challenge for many of us as Christians, is finding and living in balance. We see the balance mark occasionally, as we're swinging on the pendulum from one extreme to the other; from doubt, worry and fear to confidence, believing and faith. The balance mark is there--we get glimpses of it as we swing between the carnal and the spiritual! The goal is to not swing so enthusiastically from one extreme to the other, hence getting a better look at what the balanced Christian life is all about and how to live it as witnesses for Him.
26. When we paid a service fee to CA, the fee provides your service until we adopt or up to a period of 1 year--what happens if and when the year is up and we haven't adopted?
As clearly stated on the CA web site, we offer the option of renewing for another year for the service fee of $1,200.00, applicable until you adopt (by way of any source) or up to a period of another year. We provide each couple with a 6-week renewal grace period. In other words, we give each listed couple 6 weeks to pray, decide, and notify CA if they've chosen to renew for another year. I.E. A couple lists/goes online with CA on June 5 and their profile expires a year later without adopting a child (by way of any source); our records will indicate that the 6-wk-renewal grace period starts at the end of the month (June 30), therefore their profile would expire on August 15.
27. What if we don't think we can pay the renewal fee?
The key words in that question are ...if we don't think… Each Christian couple has the option to trust God with their whole mind, heart, and soul or to rely upon their flesh. IF God leads you and guides you in the way you are to go, and IF you obey His guidance--HE MUST PROVIDE. God is bound by His Word and He never lies to His people. Therefore, if a couple believes that God is instructing them to continue to be listed with CA, then He must and will provide the way.
28. Are there funds available from CA to finance our adoption process in any way?
Our best counsel is to trust in GOD first and foremost to be your sufficiency, for He promises to supply all of our need, according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. He will provide our financial needs and our emotional needs as we rely upon Him. He is willing and able to be our buckler, our shield, our strength and our protector. He is our all and all, if we allow Him to have preeminence in our lives. Funds from CA? Well, we've been known on more than 1 occasion to bless our CA family with financial gifts.
29. We've done the math and conclude that CA has ample supplies of income to assist us, why don't you offer your services for free?
Ah, there's the standard $25,000.00 question! That is exactly how we felt about our service in the early years and that's exactly why we invested some $25,000.00 of our own funds to help finance and assist other Christians in their adoption process. However, through prayer, wise counsel, and as we grew up in Christ, we learned that "giving" away our service was not operating Biblical principle. (See What's the Deal? ) In August of 2000, we began charging a service fee commensurate with operating expenses and in harmony with Biblical principle. For any couple that lists with CA, reads our CA family in-house updates (current and/or archival) they may observe a pattern about the funds we receive. We have a "revolving door" policy regarding the funds that come in--they come in and they go out. CA is a ministry that MINISTERS to God's people within our CA family.
30. What if we've been online for "#" of months and still no contact/lead?
It seems that every human, Christian or not, wants to know what lies ahead--what the future holds. Adoption seems to "fan the anxiety flames" on when, how, how much, etc. We can totally understand the tendency to lean towards anxiety and we can fully identify with the seemingly endless waiting process. However, anxiety and anxiousness are in opposition to God's Word and His promises. Remember, as Christians we are to believe His promises and His guidance for our lives, rather than what our flesh may "scream" at us from day to day. Regarding the "#" of months issue--you've got to use some logic with your mind on this or it will run away from you, straight into anxiety land. 1. A normal pregnancy takes 9 months--if you've not been online for at least 9 months--CHILL OUT. 2. Do you really want dozens of contacts and calls or just the RIGHT call? Ask anyone that has experienced a failed "match" or placement and they'll generally respond with--"We would've been more blessed with just 1 contact/call--the RIGHT one." (Let me assure you, the mental and emotional recovery time on failed "matches" and placements takes time, is a head trip (big time), and NOTHING in life prepares you for the various emotions as well as mental gymnastics that one has to work through. 3. On a regular basis, you either use a dishwasher or a washing machine, right? Do you go check the "cycle" every few minutes to make sure it's still working? Do you meddle with the dials, try to check the workings of the engine, call a mechanic for reassurance, or start filling out the "Replacement Parts" forms? NO! So, why do we as God's children, keep checking on His workmanship? Why do we try to RUSH HIM along? Why do we meddle in HIS deliverance? Why do we try to figure out the whys/wherefores of the ENGINEER that designed the machine (us) and that is designing (our child) our adoption process? WHY? Simple, obvious, no other word is more accurate--ANXIETY. Anxiety starts with a little doubt that leads to worry and ends up in fear. Fear that GOD will not answer our prayers. Fear that He is not faithful. Fear that we are not worthy. Fear is SAND IN THE MACHINERY OF LIFE! You've got to tackle your fears and then you will eliminate anxiety. ONLY YOU can do this--we can share vignettes and counsel you until we're "too pooped to pop" but ONLY YOU can manage your mind. The battlefield is in the mind, between your ears, and it's YOUR responsibility. We can help and assist, but we can't crawl inside your head and remove the problem. That's between you and your heavenly Father. As previously stated, we provide each couple with a 6-week renewal grace period, so if you came online in March, your profile doesn't expire until the following May 15th. Could you just please take a giant "chill pill" and LET GOD WORK FOR YOU? From now on, make the decision that every time you load your dishwasher or washing machine, you'll remind yourself that the cycle will be over when it's supposed to be over----AND you don't have to keep questioning the machine's ability to perform it's task. Then translate that same simple perspective over to God. The adoption process will be over (successfully adopted) when it's supposed to be over (if you don't quit), so LET GOD WORK and stop "freaking out"!
31. IF you can't guarantee a child, then what is your service for?
Our carnal nature wants guarantees for just about every phase of life. But, guess what? There are NO guarantees in this carnal lifetime, EXCEPT the guarantees of God's promises. He is forever faithful, true, honest, loving, and never changing. Nothing is free, EXCEPT SALVATION, because it cost God everything, the sacrificial death of His only begotten son. Anything we get in this lifetime, after salvation costs something and in addition to salvation is a bonus. We cannot nor would not "strong arm" any birthmother to chose an adoption placement plan. But, we can offer to assist, pray for and with, share our experiences, network with one another, open up our hearts, and hold your hand through the process. What is service but to love one another and to help one another with God's Word?
32. If we don't renew, can we still receive all the CA family in-house updates?
The names of the couples on our CA family in-house updates are those that have listed with us and/or renewed with us and/or have adopted with our assistance and/or chose to remain involved with our ministry. Those that leave CA in any way will no longer receive these updates. We are a group of Christians that believe that God has led us to join together and work together in and through the adoption process. We are all U.S. citizens, but are spread out all over our nation and the world. We don't get to see each other "face to face" very often or at all. We don't meet on a regular weekly or monthly basis. We are a loosely knit group of believers that are as strong as our weakest link, but we have found strength in our faithful numbers and we have found comfort in our fervent prayers for one another. Our CA family in-house updates are one of the key-ways we communicate and become unified. The updates are sent to those that continue to believe in this ministry, chose to remain involved with our ministry, and have made an effort to be a part of our ministry. We must have some sets of rules, some standards, some guidelines to keep us "pulled in" together. The CA family in-house updates attempt to do this and have succeeded in uniting us. These updates are not just words for conversation fodder, but rather they contain the prayer requests of those that are involved in Christian Adoption. Therefore, they are not posted on the web site and are not available to anyone that has ever contacted Christian Adoption or ever listed with CA. We admit over and over again that our ministry and the services we offer, which include our CA family in-house updates are not for everyone. We recognize that many couples may list with Christian Adoption and successfully adopt with our assistance and then chose to leave our ministry. We understand that not everyone will want to remain involved with our ministry long-term and we are not offended when folks "move on". We love all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, but are not expecting everyone to remain involved with Christian Adoption. By God's grace and mercy, some of our CA'ers have remained involved with Christian Adoption for over 5 years--for this we are truly THANKFUL & HUMBLED. God has convicted their hearts and they've responded to His calling through their faithfulness.
33. Why should we come online with CA or stay online?
Come online if God is leading you. Stay online if God is leading you. Ask, Seek, Knock and He will direct your steps.
34. What should we do about renewing our profile, if we expire before successfully adopting?
Only you and your spouse can determine the answer to this question. Here's a suggestion--if you mentally play through your worst and best case scenarios-whichever you can live with-go with it. I.E. If we don't adopt a child by the time our profile expires (1 year + 6 weeks), then we will not renew and perhaps never add another child to our family…can we live with that decision? Will we forever regret it? Will we always wonder, what if we'd renewed? OR If we chose to renew our profile when it expires (1 year + 6 weeks), and successfully adopt a child, will we be forever thankful that we didn't quit? Will we be thanking God for providing us with His guidance and blessing us with His abundance--and be praising Him for giving us this child--truly a gift from Him? Each couple (husband & wife) must make these life-changing decisions. This is a decision for you as a husband & wife first--then consider your children. YOU will be the parents or YOU are the parents--and YOU are responsible before God for the decisions YOU make with HIS money and for the family that HE has given or gives to you. Additionally, God may direct your steps to pursue adoption through another resource and if so, you should obey His guidance and "go for it" full time--in other words, get honest about it and go for it 100%. Many times couples have discovered our ministry was/is a stepping stone for another path for their adoption process. They gleaned what was prudent and/or needful for their lives with/from our ministry in order to obey God's guidance in another direction. Couples that try to "straddle the fence" with CA, while pursuing another adoption resource (that they're convicted about) are "spinning their wheels". God honors faithfulness and commitment. Pray, listen, obey and give it 100%.
35. We just want a child ASAP and don't understand why you can't get a child for us?
How well we personally understand your emotions, desires and thoughts. We too, had the same ache in our hearts, experienced the nagging questions coupled with mental frustration, and were battered by waves of disappointment while waiting to adopt. However, we had to come to grips with our flesh regarding God's promises. His promises are true, but no where are the fulfillment of His promises followed by words like easy, cake walk, fast, painless, simple, stress-less, relaxing, ad Infiniti for "Give me what I want, when I want it, don't make me work, don't make me wait, think, discipline, change, push my mind or endure any form of mental pressure." We cannot personally answer your prayers--but God can and will as you trust in Him. Many times couples come online with Christian Adoption and expect US to deliver a child into their arms.
36. Why don't you call every couple in Christian Adoption on a regular basis? We think we deserve to receive a phone call occasionally, why don't you call to check on us?
We can fully appreciate your questions, but until you become parents of 2 children, you just cannot understand what it's like to live in a Time Warp! As a wife, a mother, an administrator, an organizer, a counselor, a home schooling Mom, a student, a farmer, a single parent (Eddie works for the Union Pacific RR and is gone most of the time), and a gillion other hats I juggle, there are just not enough hours in the day to call our CA couples everyday. I try to stay organized and call CA couples/families periodically, but until you're in these 2-parent shoes, Time Warp just doesn't communicate.
37. It seems that childless couples should get preferred treatment?
God is no respecter of persons and neither is Christian Adoption.
38. It seems it's easier for those with children to adopt again, isn't it? It seems it's easier for those without children to adopt, isn't it?
God answers the prayers of His people in His timing, as they continue to trust in Him. His ways are higher than our ways and His timing is impeccable. The goal of every believing Christian should be to expect God's best for their lives on God's terms in God's sovereign timing. If a couple wants ANY child ASAP--they shouldn't list with Christian Adoption. If a Christ-ian (Christ-in) couple wants GOD'S BEST for their lives, they will follow His guidance and trust in His wisdom and higher ways.
39. We've not been chosen by a birthmom yet--what's wrong with us, our profile or our family?
Rather than ask, "What's wrong with us?" maybe we should ask, "How can we build our confidence and trust in God's deliverance for our lives? What areas of our lives, our marriage or our finances need improvement? What should we be praying for and about, rather than going "nutty" asking ourselves these self-centered and self-focused questions?" Whenever we seek Him with a pure and willing heart, He will enlighten and inspire us. This reminds me of a song we sing in Abeka home school: "Oh, who can wash my heart clean? I'm sure I can't, can you? Oh, who can wash my heart clean? No one but God, it's true."
40. What do you, as the administrator, tell birthmoms that call you?
We THANK birthmoms that contact us--they are an answer to prayer for our ministry! We tell birthmoms that we pray for God to direct them to CA to place with our couples. We also remind them that the same God that led them to CA will lead them to the RIGHT couple for their placement process. There are no perfect couples, but rather there is a couple that will be God's best for them and their child. We want every birthmom to know that she has followed God's guidance about this life-changing decision. As I often say, "God will direct your steps to the right adoptive couple/family for your child and you will have HIS peace about your decision. His peace means that 10 years from now, when you lay your head on your pillow at night--you will still have HIS peace about your decision. God led you here and He will continue to lead you. We're here to answer your questions and to prayerfully support you."
41. Nothing in our lives prepared us for the wait, which we find grueling and difficult. What can we do?
Nothing in life can adequately prepare you for the wait and it is often grueling and difficult without any logical explanation. Pray for and about your birthmom, your child-to-be, and for your adoption process. Pray for God's strength, for His comfort, and pray for patience. Work on eliminating FEAR (false evidence appearing real) in your hearts. Start and complete household/yard projects--you'll spend COUNTLESS hours staring at your child and 90% of those projects will become quite insignificant when you adopt your child. JOURNAL your thoughts and share all of your emotions--these will all be a witness and testimony for your child and become a part of their adoption story. (See Journal ) REACH out to others in our CA family--if they're waiting to adopt, they too are experiencing some of these same emotions. If they've already adopted, they have walked in these adoption shoes and can offer suggestions for you. Additionally, if you reach out to them, they can pray for your specific needs. Every CA couple that consistently and diligently reaches out to other CA-ers is abundantly blessed by the camaraderie and fellowship.
42. Where, how, when, and why will a birthmom--somewhere out there in this big ol' world find us?
That's your heavenly Father's business, as you surrender to Him. You cannot reason this out. You cannot figure this out. You cannot control and dictate how your prayers will be answered. If you choose to fully rely upon Him, you will experience spiritual growth like no other experience in life. What a witness you can be for your children, for their children and for their children! Try looking beyond the present and think about the BIGGER & LONG TERM benefits for your family for generations to come! It's not all about YOU, it's about being living epistles for God, known and read by all men. Additionally, WHO said you are absolutely going to adopt a child? If you still have the physical parts to bear a child (no matter your age) doesn't God perform the impossible? How God answers our prayers is His prerogative. Our responsibility is to humble ourselves before Him and expect to receive His deliverance.
43. How do we know if we should press on or quit pursuing adoption?
Only you and your spouse can determine if you're going to press on until you succeed in the adoption process, or if quitting the process is the best decision for your lives. We've seen couples come online with Christian Adoption, then "match" with a birthmom and choose to NOT adopt because they realized they didn't want to adopt a child or another child. We've also witnessed how some couples become so mentally weary of the process that they choose to quit the process. We've noticed other couples stop the adoption process because they've become miraculously pregnant! PRAISE GOD! Still more have stopped the adoption process because one spouse no longer wanted to stay on board the roller coaster ride, known as adoption. As referred to in #36, play through your worst and best case scenarios and see what decisions YOU can live with for the rest of your lives. There are no definitive answers, but here is question that's worth considering. If you quit the adoption process, will your lives glorify Him or be a reminder of human weakness?
44. Why do people remain involved with CA?
Many CA'ers remain involved with our ministry because they want to "give back" some of their joy to others that are just getting on board the adoption roller coaster ride. The ride can be very bumpy, very difficult and often pushes the adoptive couple past their pre-adoption pursuit abilities. But the end of the ride, as EVERY couple will testify, is worth the pain, the waiting, the questions, the "mental push" and the HUGE learning curve of the roller coaster ride. This overwhelming joy and deep-seated thanksgiving is a testimony to God's unchanging faithfulness. We're so very thankful that many CA'ers want to pray, want to give, want to support, want to befriend, want to help, want to serve others that come online with CA. They remember what it was like to be the "new couple online" and they have not soon forgotten the hardships of waiting and wondering. We ask our CA couples if they'd like to remain on board with CA, as prayer partners and possibly as references on the web site. It's an awesome privilege to greet and meet new brothers and sisters in Christ and to share our personal adoption stories!
45. What kind of relationship can we expect if we remain involved with Christian Adoption post adoption or post birth?
As a prayer partner and/or reference, we'll stay in touch with you via our CA family in-house updates, as well as send you profiles (hard copies) of waiting CA couples to pray for and these are updated/replaced twice a year through snail mail. We also send our prayer partners and/or references gifts of appreciation, our personal family newsletter and other God inspired stuff (books, homemade gifts, treats). We're so THANKFUL to have other CA'ers stand with us in this ministry that we demonstrate our appreciation for them in various ways.
46. What services does CA provide for successfully adopted/birth families?
Our main objective in this ministry is to advocate for adoptive couples and to assist them and their birthmoms through the adoption process. Post adoption/birth we are available for prayer support and hopefully we've become more than just acquaintances with each other. At no point in time are we endeavoring to replace the responsibilities of anyone's church family. Our ministry is a unique "niche" in the body of Christ and our primary objective is assisting the adoption triad. Although we avail ourselves to our CA family to help and to minister to them, we are incapable of replacing the important role of your local church minister. The more a couple wants to serve in the body of Christ, the more often God will open the doors for their service.
47. How many families remain involved with CA, on the average?
It is interesting that like many ministries and/or organizations, our numbers will swell to over 100 households and then it will naturally "prune" itself back to just under 100 households. We haven't figured this out yet and frankly we're not trying to! This is God's ministry and He will add and subtract as is needed. Our responsibility is to continue to humble ourselves before Him and obey His guidance.
49. You seem so busy, should we call you with our questions?
Absolutely! However, if your questions can be answered by reviewing the web site (tons of encouraging information) or by counseling with your local minister about an issue or you just need time to pray and wait for God's clear guidance--then do so. In other words, many of our questions can be answered from various sources. We are MORE than willing to answer your questions, so if you want/need to call-we're here!
50. We've sent you some E-mail messages and are still waiting for answers to our questions--what's the deal?
We receive over 100 messages every day! (When we returned from our CA Family Mini-Reunion Tour through OH [August 2003], we came home to 946 messages! YIKES!) Messages are answered as quickly as possible. (See Time Warp ) However, if we receive the same type of questions and/or comments from at least 3 different couples, we've learned through the years that it's far more effective to address these questions/issues in an article or vignette. We offer hope to the hopeless, a guiding hand to those that are reaching out, and yet often we are LED to step aside, so that CA couples can grow up in Him. Sometimes this annoys our couples because they're seeking an answer from us that we cannot provide, but the answer will come as they fellowship with their heavenly Father. Occasionally, we feel like we're walking on a tightrope over a deep cavern!
51. What would we do after adoption/birth if we remain involved with Christian Adoption?
First we will ask you to become an avid prayer partner with/for us. Then we'll "assign" the names of several waiting couples for you to pray for and if inspired, get to know through E-mail or phone calls. Occasionally we may ask your opinion regarding a current CA issue or situation. We'll also try to utilize your network of contacts from your adoption/birth process to assist others. Additionally, we'll begin making plans to visit your area of the United States, in order to meet you "face to face"! Furthermore, we'll continue to pray for you and make our lives available to you.
52. Why does Christian Adoption encourage adoptive couples to come online BEFORE they get a home study completed?
The home study is not only a legal and confidential document, but also a dated one. Therefore, since every adoptive couple must have a completed home study, in order to finalize their adoption process--why date it any sooner than what is prudent? We encourage couples that are led to CA to NOT complete their home study prior to coming online with us for several reasons. 1. Adoptive couples that are new to the adoption process, often don't know what they're doing and need some guidance on how, what, where, and when to have a home study completed. 2. Often adoptive couples speak with agencies that infer that they must have a home study completed in order to "match" with a birthmom--this is 100% not true. Hence, if they've completed a home study, which is dated, and then "match" with a birthmom 8 months later and she's not due for another 4 months--the home study may have to be updated PRIOR to delivery. This means more expense for the adoptive couple and more emotional/mental hassle. 3. Periodically social workers that conduct home studies, work for an agency or attorney that pays them a fee for sending clients to them--hence the social worker may try to "convince" an adoptive couple that working with an Internet Christian ministry is too risky and unorthodox. As a result, a couple that was trusting in God's leading and guidance is sidetracked by the words of a social worker. 4. Through our networking within CA, we have and can save couples money by acquiring dependable information about fair, supportive, and equitable social workers. Wisdom is found in the counsel of many and our CA family can often assist new CA couples with their home study process. 5. The unspoken rule in the adoption process--don't spend money until it's prudent to do so. After a couple has come online with Christian Adoption, we'll begin to encourage and remind them to "get going" on their home study. If after several rounds of encouragement and no action is taken, we will strongly advise couples to get the job done or they may not be ready to walk through the doors that God opens for them.
53. What's the importance of getting a home study done?
The home study is a document needed and required to be in your adoption file for your final adoption hearing. The judge will review it prior to making his final judgment on your adoption process. Some states require a copy of it in order to process ICPC paperwork, some hospitals require a copy of the home study in order for the birthmom to terminate her rights/transfer custody to the adoptive couple. ALL states require a copy of this document for your final adoption hearing. A home study, in essence, declares that you are not felons, that you don't live in a cardboard box, and that the social worker's judgement of your character and home is stable and fit for parenting a child.
54. Who conducts a home study?
The social worker must have these credentials in order for the home study to be accepted in EVERY state court of the United States. 1. He/She must be licensed in YOUR home state. 2. He/She must be certified in YOUR home state. 3. He/She must have a MASTER of SOCIAL WORK degree--this is represented by MSW behind their name. Most agencies have their own staff of social workers to conduct this part of the adoption process. But in independent adoption (unless you live in a state that requires an agency to conduct your home study) you, the adoptive couple, can hire a social worker to conduct your home study. By hiring your own social worker for your adoption process, you can often save 1000's of dollars and you determine who you want to conduct your home study. Social workers that conduct independent home studies are providing a service, which is to your financial advantage.
55. Can we use our Foster Care Home Study for an independent adoption?
IF the social worker conducting the home study was/is licensed and certified with a Master's Degree in Sociology (MSW)--yes. But if he/she did/doesn't have those credentials, it will not transfer and be accepted in every state court of the U.S. Trust me, you don't want to get to your final adoption hearing and have your hearing potentially thwarted by a home study that is not acceptable. (Been there & done that!)
56. Why are adoptive couples required to have a home study, but biological parents are not required to have any social worker visit their home prior to birth?
We don't have a clue. It's just another "hoop" that adoptive couples have the joy of jumping through in order to adopt a child--both Domestically and Internationally.
57. We were told that we should have all our "ducks in a row" prior to pursuing adoption--isn't that being prepared?
Yes and no. Yes, it's prudent to prepare yourselves for the adoption process, but not prudent to spend money on dated documents and/or retaining attorneys before you're even "out of the shoot". (Often attorneys that receive a retainer, when their services are needed very little or not at all--keep the retainer anyway. [Been there & done that.]) Our culture "screams" adages at us like: "Better safe than sorry." "Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance." "If you don't plan your life, your life will plan you." (ad Infiniti, ad nausea) However, here we come to an area of life that requires even the weak of heart to totally trust in God's provision and deliverance and you just CAN'T PLAN IT ALL OUT IN ADVANCE! ("Bummer," our brains say, 'cause we love to plan!) What is prudent to do in the adoption process is to take it in (pardon the pun) baby steps. One step at a time and don't spend money until God leads you to do so and/or until others in the adoption process (I.E. CA) encourages you to do so. It is FAR better to have your vertical "ducks in a row" in order--your relationship with your heavenly Father, than your horizontal "ducks in a row".
58. Who should see a copy of our home study?
Only a few people need to see your home study--which is a LEGAL & CONFIDENTIAL document. 1. The social worker that conducts it. 2. Your attorney. 3. YOU--you paid for it, you are ENTITLED to have a copy of it. 4. The judge at your final hearing. 5. The ICPC people, if required. A birthmom is not entitled to see your home study--it contains your personal information, medical and family history, financial information, and in essence defines "who you are". Never give up your privacy unless you're willing to lose it. Once you give up your privacy, you'll have difficulty getting it back.
59. What is ICPC?
These letters stand for Interstate ComPact Contract. These laws were introduced years ago to cut down and/or eliminate the trafficking of children from one state to another. I.E. You live in the state of Texas and your birthmom gives birth in the state of Kansas. You travel to Kansas for the birth of your adopted child and the birth parent(s) successfully TPR (Terminate Parental Rights). All of the TPR papers are then sent or hand delivered to the ICPC office in Topeka, KS. The paperwork file is reviewed and then sent to Austin, TX via overnight delivery. Austin, TX receives the file and reviews it and approves it. They then call Topeka ICPC office and "give you clearance" to return to your home state of TX with your adopted child, who was born in the state of KS. This process can take as little time as 24 hours as up to 21 days--depending on the ICPC office people in each state capitol, how diligently your adoption attorney works for you (by getting on the phone and pushing it through) and/or whether those involved in the adoption process KNOW what they're doing. BIG TIP--RETAIN ADOPTION ATTORNEYS with EXPERIENCE. To further define this process: ICPC office reviews your adoption file and TPR's and sends them to Austin, TX essentially saying…"Hey, Austin, TX this is Topeka, KS. We have some TX residents in our state adopting a child that was born in the state of KS on date xox. We acknowledge and accept their TPR paperwork and adoption file, and are sending it to you via overnight delivery. Please review it and let us know if you agree with accepting them back into your state of TX with this KS born child. If so, please call us and we'll give your TX residents 'ICPC clearance' to return home to the state of TX."
60. We're kind of "worn out" by all these questions and lengthy answers--just call us when our birthmom calls you!
Ditto, we are too--and wouldn't that be nice?
However, there is a call to come that will eliminate the waiting, the wondering, the questions, the pain, the tears and the sorrow--and that's the trumpet call of our soon returning Lord and Savior Christ Jesus!
Lord Jesus, come quickly!
For more information please read Forgotten and Year. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
adoption@christianadoption.com
A non-profit Christian and Internet
service ministry. We're helping others in the adoption
process.
1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405
Deborah S. Hill P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337
www.christianadoption.com adoption@christianadoption.com
