OUR BELOVED DANIEL
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
My "Travel" Plans Were Changed...
In a recent CBS lesson one of the study questions asked, "Is it possible to be on a 'mountaintop' continually?" I wonder, is it in our best interest or even desirable, to always be on a mountaintop? I know God's will for me is to be transformed by the renewing of my mind: to become like Jesus. Can this be accomplished without the trials and the growth that occur in the valleys? I can only thank God that He is not leaving me as I am. He loves me enough to continue my growth daily--using the life of my son to show me things about myself, others, and Himself.
After experiencing a miscarriage followed by two years of infertility, we were thrilled to discover God had blessed us with a pregnancy. God was again teaching me to trust Him with the life of a new baby during those nine months-a lesson He has continued teaching even after the delivery.
Daniel was born with a genetic disorder that resulted in heart failure and subsequent brain damage. You may feel, as I did, that this is a tragedy. How could God do this to a beautiful little life? What purpose could this possibly have? Was this some kind of cruel joke? Since January 21, 1997, I have been learning the answers to these questions.
A friend gave me an article that helped me. It explains in a unique way the experience of discovering your child has been born with disabilities, and helps people who have not shared this experience to understand. It's like this...
"When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans… you'll see the Colosseum, works by Michelangelo, the gondolas in Venice. You learn some handy phrases in Italian. It is all very exciting.
After months of anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes and says, 'Welcome to Holland.'
'Holland?' you say. 'What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.'
But there has been a change in the flight plan. The plane has landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible place...it is just a different place.
You must go out and buy a new guidebook. You must learn a whole new language and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. Holland is slower paced than Italy, less flashy. But after you've been there for a while, been able to catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, and beautiful tulips; Holland even has Rembrandt.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what l had planned.'
And the pain of that will never go away because the loss of that dream is very significant.
But if you spend your life mourning that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things about Holland."
[Article adapted from DEAR ABBY, written by Emily Pearl Kingsley, The Kansas Star, Kansas City, MO, 1993.]
Taking my eyes off the circumstances and turning them back on the Lord has helped me to realize that what first seemed like such a tragedy is turning out to be one of my greatest blessings. Through Daniel, I am discovering what it really means to have true faith, true hope and true love.
If it were not for Daniel, would I be learning so much about faith? I finally realized I was praying without faith for God to answer my request for Daniel's healing, that my praying was really grieving because Daniel's condition seemed so hopeless. I was saddened that his future appeared so futile. God showed me James 5:15: "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up."
Hebrews 11:1 says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Is it more important that Daniel be healed or that I have faith in God and His plan for Daniel's life? Only God knows what is beyond the horizon. Do I possess the faith to leave it in His hands? A year ago, if I had been told I would have a son with Daniel's problems, I would have said, "I can't do it." But God has called me to this purpose, and because of that I can do it. This is faith.
I have benefited as well from the prayers of the faithful. An outpouring of prayers has been, and continues to be, lifted up on our behalf. I am overwhelmed by the healing and peace in my heart, as well as by the progress in Daniel as a result of prayer. I was able to draw comfort from the prayers of others when I was unable to pray myself. The Holy Spirit does work through prayer. My eyes have been opened to this as never before.
If it were not for Daniel, would I be learning as much about love? God has shown me the depth of His love in many ways this past year. Many people sent cards, spoke encouraging words, sacrificed time and money to visit, cleaned my house, did my laundry, prepared meals, provided transportation, and so much more. I was able to cry, express my fears and anger, rejoice, and just babble openly. In return I received listening ears, warm smiles, compassionate tears, and many hugs. God was there in each person, ministering to me and loving me through every step of this trial.
Isaiah 41:10 says: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." And so He has. I am extremely thankful that so many people allowed God to use them in this way.
Not only have I received love, but God broke my heart and is teaching me how to really love another unconditionally. I was under the impression that loving babies came naturally. Yet for me, it has been a growing experience. As difficult as it is to admit, when I was told of Daniel's condition, I was very disappointed. Did this mean that I could only love if all my expectations were met? I prayed for the ability to love my own son.
Since that prayer, my love for Daniel continues to grow. I am learning what it means to really love, free of conditions, free of expectations. This is how God loves me, despite my failures and weaknesses, and this is how He desires for us to love others. Without God, how impossible this would be.
If it were not for Daniel, would I be learning so much about hope? Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."'
It is not a coincidence that we conceived Daniel, that he was born early (just one day prior to being stillborn) or even that he was born with such serious problems. It is not a coincidence that his nurses, his doctors, and his roommates witnessed our visitors, overheard our conversations, and saw God working in our hearts. It is not a coincidence that Daniel's heart is improving, that he has developmental skills we were told he would not obtain, or even that he is not achieving some skills appropriate for his age. It is not a coincidence that we are his parents, that we live where we do, that we go to CBS, or that we are part of such a wonderful church home.
It is not an accident that Daniel is here at this time in this place. God has a plan for my son's life and I am hopeful for his future.
Yes, God did bring us to "Holland" when I desperately wanted to go to "Italy." Yes, the pain and disappointment are real, but the blessings are also there. Will I trust God with His travel plans and grow from the experience or will I always be longing for Italy? What I have been learning is that life is not always a mountaintop experience, but the valleys are full of blessings if we allow God to open our eyes and if we put our hand in His.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose " (Romans 8:28).
I praise God for His faithfulness in completing His good work in me, for blessing me with a husband who loves Him and loves me, for surrounding me with His loving family, and yes, for my perfect baby boy.
This testimony was given by Janice on April 14, 1997.
On October 26, 1997, our precious son went to be with Jesus. We have had the great privilege and honor to have been blessed with Daniel for nine months and to witness God work through his life. Daniel was an infant with brain damage--a baby without the resources of power, prestige or money. He was unable to see, unable to control his movements, even unable to speak--yet through him God touched the lives of so many. The Apostle Paul stated, "God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty" (1 Corinthians 1:27, King James Version).
We are comforted in our grief knowing that Daniel's life was not in vain. God accomplished His purpose through this precious, helpless vessel. Daniel awaits us in heaven, reaping his reward. Praise God!
Bill & Janice
About 4 months later, Bill & Janice successfully adopted a precious baby boy!
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
For more information please read Answers and Quiet. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
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