THE PAIN IN "LETTING GO" & THE JOY IN "LETTING GOD"
This love filled testimony was written by a birth grandmother, whose daughter placed her baby with a couple associated with Christian Adoption. All names have been changed to protect their privacy.
(Another successful adoption associated with Christian Adoption.)
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress. (L.B.)
I am writing because I feel in my heart, that my Father God would have me share our journey to encourage others. In His word, (John 14:18) He promised never to leave us or forsake us. He also promised to send us a helper, (John 14,16,17) the Holy Spirit, to give us direction, comfort and His peace throughout our journey, here in this life on earth.
I have come to find that God has never promised us a life without troubles, but He has promised that when troubles come, (and they will come) He would deliver us out of them all! (Psalms 34:19) So if you find yourself going through deep waters, (Isaiah 43:1, 2 L.B.) hold his hand and you will not drown. Oh, you will surely feel the rivers of difficulty all around you, but He gives you His word for deliverance.
In everything give thanks, God's word instructs us to give thanks. If you will maintain a grateful heart, God will bring you out, and you can then boast of all the great things He has done for you! (Psalm 34:1-4)
I will begin by sharing our story, really it's not ours, but His! We only played the parts He had assigned to us. Remember, whatever your part, play it well! I am a wife, mother, grand-ma and now I am a birth grandma. Several years ago, my daughter shared through her tears, that she was pregnant. She had just begun her 11th grade year in High School, and now it seemed that all her plans and hopes for her future were about to come to a grinding halt. She was only sixteen years old and afraid, she felt completely helpless and without hope. What she wasn't aware of, is that God is a God of Hope. (Romans 15:13 K.J.) And that He had a plan for her life, a good plan, a plan for her to succeed. (Jeremiah 29:11,12 L.B) There were many mornings, I would walk into her room to find the floor cluttered with wadded up Kleenex, she had cried herself to sleep again. It was a very difficult and painful time. Let me add here that when I reflect upon my own life, I have come to realize the disappointments in my life were a direct cause of disobedience to God's Holy Word. God allows us to choose, we make our own choices and when those choices are contrary to God's word, then there are consequences for our disobedience or sin. I say this, because I have learned through my own experiences that God's ways are always best, and when I was determined to go my own way there was always great pain involved. God's word is true, whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. (Galatians 6:7) Just remember, God always wants for our best - to be the head and not the tail, to surround our lives with victories (Deuteronomy, 28:11-14) Jesus said, Satan cometh, but to steal, kill and destroy. I come that you might have life and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10) What I am saying, is if you choose God's way, you will save yourself much hurt and loss later. The good news is though, what Satan intended to destroy, God used to bring about great blessings for others. (Romans 8:28) As I cried out to God, He answered with a still small voice (1 Kings 19:11,12), (Isaiah 30:21) from within. My daughter had come to me and shared with me, her decision to place her baby for adoption. Here began the painful process of letting go. Boy! Did it ever hurt. Her dad and I had communicated to her our love for her, and that we would support her decision, and help her in whatever way we could. It was her life and we knew it would have to be her choice. And then the hard part, I had to allow God to help us, after all, hadn't I prayed, not my will Father, but Your will alone for this child. I have to admit I really did not anticipate any of us really going through with it. Yet deep within, I knew I would have to come to terms with the fact that if we had prayed for God's guidance and direction, we sure better be prepared to walk wherever He was to lead us. (A little reminder--you are probably better off not to pray for God's help and His wisdom, if you are not willing to walk in obedience when He gives it.) So often we pray, and if we don't receive the answer which we had perceived in our own minds, we want to just say forget it, never mind, I'll just work this out for myself! (Psalm, 32:9-11 L.B.)
My heart goes out to all of the young girls who find themselves as my daughter did in an unplanned pregnancy. I'm not one to preach to anyone, for I myself at the age of twenty-one found myself in this same condition. If we ask God's forgiveness, He is faithful and just to forgive us. (1 John 1:8, 9) We must now pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and continue on with God. (Psalm 34:18 L.B.) This is a good time to pray and ask for not only direction, but also strength for the journey. You must make your own choice, I cannot say what it is that God wants for you and your baby. He will not tell me His plans for you, He will however tell you. So open your heart, be still and take heed to hear.
When I began to seek God with all of my heart, He was there. I had asked Him in my quiet time with Him, to give me three witnesses in His word that the decision my daughter had made was His plan for their lives and not hers alone. I knew enough about God through His word, that a matter should only be established on the Word of two or three witnesses. So I asked for three examples in His word concerning someone giving up a child out of love. (Matthew 18:16, Deuteronomy 19:15) I had to know without a doubt that this child, my grandchild by birth, was safe in my Father's Keeping. This decision was an awesome responsibility for a young girl to have to make all alone, and I had to be sure of God's perfect plan and nothing less. You see, when a young lady is pregnant her hormones do crazy things and sometimes we would all become so emotional. I had to know this decision was not based on emotions but rather on the pure wisdom of God.
Immediately, God showed me in His word, three examples where people gave out of a heart of love. For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) He shared with me that He was our greatest example of all and He knew the pain of giving unselfishly out of a heart of love so that others would be the beneficiaries of His giving. He then continued by showing me the story of Hanna (1 Samuel 1:9-24) who gave her son Samuel to the priest Eli, in order to keep her promise to God. Then he showed me a third witness, and that was Moses' mother, she gave him up to the emperor's daughter because of her love and concern for his well being. (Exodus 2:1-10) He also reminded me in His word (Romans 8:14,15) where we have all received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry out Abba Father. So in other words, we have all been adopted into God's own family, and we now have the privilege of calling Him, Father God. (Daddy) He really does understand the ache in your heart, and He (Jesus) was sent to bring comfort to all that mourn, and to heal the broken hearted. (Isaiah 61:1, 2 Luke 4:18) I want to interrupt here and say, if you are reading this and you have never accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, you can do that now. It only takes a few moments and it will change your life forever. (Romans 10:9,10) I will take time here to also emphasize that each individual must decide with her heart and God's help what is the best choice for her and her baby. This is a lifetime decision, that each of us will have to live with. As I mentioned before, I too was an unwed young mother in your shoes, faced to make a decision that was right for me. My choice was to raise my baby. As I prayed, God gave me a knowing in my heart that He would take care of us, and He has all of these twenty-three years! I had known God's forgiveness, His faithfulness, and His abiding love in my choice. I think for me it might have been more difficult to place my daughter's baby for adoption because my thinking was, if it worked for me why wouldn't the same choice work for her. But we are not all alike and what might have been right then for me may not be right (now) for her. Then one day while praying God revealed to me, that this was His plan and the same grace that saw me through difficult times before, would be present to help us now, but that I would experience it only as I needed it! You know God's grace is a most amazing thing - it will pull us through when we absolutely don't think we're going to make it. Many times, He would remind me that He was in control and to trust and to hold onto Him. (Isaiah 41:13) In other words I was not to depend upon my own strength and ability, but I was to depend upon Him completely! I cannot express enough, whatever God's will is for you and your baby; God the Father will carry you through, not only at this time but also throughout your entire life. His word says, I am your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1) He is as close to you as your own breath, cry out whenever you are feeling lonely, confused or without a friend, cry out HELP and He is there!
Now, I would like to share about some idea's that I believe were really God's idea's and not our own. These helped us greatly as we prepared in letting go. I have to say that there were sad times and I talked often to my Father God, just the way some of you might talk to your friends. I remember one day in particular, I was driving to work, I was feeling really down in the dumps and I asked Him, "Father how am I ever going to just say good bye? How can I ever hold this baby, my grandbaby in my arms and then let go?" Suddenly through my tears, as if He was holding me in His arms, He said "Stop looking at your pain and instead look at William & Danielle's (the adoptive couple) gain! Take the focus off of yourself and look at the blessing that I am bringing into their lives, because Kristi, your daughter has chosen to walk in obedience. TRUST ME! (Psalm 48:14) For this God is our God forever and ever, He will be our God even to the end.
I hope that if your decision is to find a home other than your own for your baby, these may be a blessing to you.
#1 Pray, Pray, Pray! God will order your steps. (Psalm 37:23) Whether it's in choosing a family, in choosing a lawyer, or a counselor, pray. Just talk to God, Your Heavenly Father about everything.
#2 Keep a journal- it doesn't have to be on a daily basis, but do write "Dear Baby" and open your heart to say, what you would say to your unborn child if you were holding him/her in your arms. This will be medicine for your soul, and a precious, precious blessing to your baby later. You can also record things such as doctor visits, when you first felt baby kick etc***
#3 Keepsake Box- You can make your own, or purchase one for only about $15.00. You can put into this box whatever God puts into your heart to give to your baby.
#4 Make an audio or videotape. You could read several children's books or perhaps a poem. My daughter chose an audio tape so that the baby could hear her voice after leaving the hospital, the voice she had grown so familiar with. She felt this would be a more peaceful transition period. I might add, the adoptive couple had made a similar tape, early on in the pregnancy so that my daughter could play the tape and the baby would be familiar with their voices as well!
#5 Pictures- take pictures throughout the pregnancy. We sent these to the adoptive mom to put into the baby's lifebook. (Be sure and get copies for yourself as well)
#6 Dedication Ceremony- This meant so much to all of us. We also made a video of the day the baby arrived (labor, birth, hospital time together and dedication services.) We made arrangements before with the hospital concerning the adoption and dedication, they were so good to us, and worked with us to do whatever my daughter's wishes were. The service can be very simple, it can be held there in the chapel or perhaps in a room close by. You could have a minister (either one from the hospital or from your own church family) preside over the ceremony. You might choose a favorite scripture to be read, or a special poem. This will be a very solemn occasion for all who are present, as your baby is dedicated to the Lord's keeping.
#7 Saying good bye-My daughter wanted to dress her baby for the dedication, and also afterwards dress her in an outfit that she had chosen as her "going home outfit." She wanted to have this special time with baby all to herself. I know there were words said at that moment, and in that room that are forever between only her and her baby. I strongly recommend this time alone to say good bye. Of course each of you will need to make decisions, choices, and a plan that works best for you. All of the important events in our lives deserve planning and in doing so it will bring healing.
Psalm 25:4-10 Show me the path where I should go, Oh Lord; point out the right road for me to walk. Lead me; for you are the God who gives me salvation. I have no hope except in you. Overlook my youthful sins, O Lord! Look at me instead through eyes of everlasting love and kindness.
The Lord is good and glad to teach the proper path to all who go astray; He will teach the ways that are right and best to those who humbly turn to Him. When we obey Him every path He guides us on is fragrant with His lovingkindness and truth. (Psalm 40:1-5)
Sing unto the Lord, O ye saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His Holiness. For His anger endureth but a moment; His favor is life: weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalm 30:4, 5) Joy will come! You have God's word on it.
God bless you and keep you,
Sarah, a birth-grandmother
For more information please read Julie and Statistics. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.
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