CHRISTIAN ADOPTION: Tilda Understands

TILDA UNDERSTANDS

Written by Tilda to every birthmother.

Names have been changed to protect privacy.

I know the sacrifice you are making by considering adoption. I've carried a child next to my heart. I've felt her hiccups from the inside out. I've marveled at her 1st kicks and studied her growth day by day. I knew how blessed I was to be chosen by God to bring a beautiful child into the world. I have also felt the overwhelming sadness of carrying a child that her father did not want. A child that was inconvenient to him, at least at that time in his life. The child that I knew God blessed me with was the same child that her father wanted to abort. I fought to bear and deliver Heidi and I thank God that I chose LIFE for her. I 'm go glad that I knew God before I met Bob, the father of my 2 daughters. Bob made it no secret that, "Only weak, unstable people need to worship a God." I was convinced that with enough love and prayers, I could change his heart. I went to church alone week after week praying for God to touch his heart and make him my "perfect husband". I wanted Bob to know God and I was too deeply committed to our young love to see reality. I was also too scared to trust God for a better man in my life. I wasn't allowing God to work His will in my life and I created my own hell. I knew Bob was self-centered and his glamorous job kept him in center stage all the time. That center stage attitude carried over into our home life. He made decisions that I knew were immoral, but eventually, I followed his unrighteousness. The longer we were together, the further I drifted from my loving Father. The Lord was the only loving Father I'd ever had in my life. My earthly father was abusive, angry and controlling. Oh, surprise, surprise--I picked the same type of man to be my lifelong spouse. Two years after Heidi was born, I was pregnant with Teresa and Bob demanded I have an abortion.

I questioned my loving God, "How can this happen? How could he expect me to abort his child? Abortion is taking the life of your own child. Only young, single, desperate people even let these thoughts cross their minds. We already have other children, we are a family. How can I ever do this? Dear God, I made a commitment to this person and I'm so afraid to sever this relationship I can't breathe. What will everyone think? Won't everyone will look down on me? You know how I feel! Help me God! Help me!"

God spoke very, very loudly to my heart…NO!

On that day, I chose my children and my renewed relationship with my loving Father over Bob. That was the first day of the rest of my life. A life that God leads and blesses daily.

I knew that God would use all the pain I endured to be a witness for Him. But I questioned, for over 12 years, how to turn the pain into gain for God. About 3 years ago, I started dreaming about having another child. I pictured that child over and over again in my dreams. I watched for that tiny face during the day and dreamed about it at night. I knew that my new husband Mike and I couldn't even have our own children. I questioned why God would place this overwhelming love and desire in my heart for another child under such circumstances. I prayed and prayed until one day I fell upon Christian Adoption by accident. I was just looking for Christian links on the computer and a peace came over me. I fell to my knees again and prayed. Mike wasn't as convinced as I was about listing with Christian Adoption. Adoption on the Internet? It seemed crazy, risky and not a safe place for Christians. I contacted almost all the Christian Adoption references and received an overwhelmingly response. I was amazed by the Christian fellowship and the confirmation that Christian Adoption is more than just an adoption ministry. Slowly, God changed Mike's heart and we listed our profile with Christian Adoption.

Only through the pain of an unplanned (and unwanted by the birth father) pregnancy could I understand what you are going through. I know the humiliation and loneliness of experiencing a pregnancy without the father's support. I know how scary it is to think of raising children without a father and not knowing how to support them. Every pregnancy and situation is different, but every child is a blessing. God doesn't make mistakes. I talked to my Dr. about adoption before Heidi was born because I knew she deserved to be raised in a financially stable home that could give her the opportunities that I was unable to provide at that time. However, their father wouldn't allow his child to be adopted (aborted-yes, adopted-no). And I knew that I could provide a more stable Christian home by myself than he could or would. As a result, he went on with his life as if we never existed. I trusted God in those very lonely times. I knew He would lead me and He sent Mike to us 4 years after Teresa was born. Mike is the only earthly father my daughters have ever known and he's their "Dad". He's the one who held broken arms, consoled broken hearts, and continues to teach them about life. He escorts "his ladies" to church, coaches their sporting events, and travels hundreds of miles to watch his daughters dance or cheer. He takes away car keys for driving too fast, grounds them when they become disrespectful, and refuses to allow them to go to bed angry. He recognizes our gifts and thanks God for our children. He knows what really matters in life and he glorifies God everyday.

I am not a poet and I can't write songs, but I have a heart for children. I understand people that life has beaten up. I have experienced a lot of valleys in my life. I know God did His best work in me when I was in those valleys. As Christians, God works in us to minister to each other in our time of need. My heavenly Father will turn my pain to gain as I encourage others. I pray that every birthmother will choose LIFE for her child and consider adoption. I pray that our birthmother will find us through Christian Adoption. We will pray for our child and for our birthmother, as we wait for His blessing. I know His blessing will be for His glory!

Tilda

(Mike & Tilda successfully adopted a baby boy and named him Matthew. Matthew means gift from God!)

For more information please read Support Index.

We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.

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A Christian ministry helping birth parents & Christian couples for over 14 years!

1.800.277.7006 620.251.4405 adoption@christianadoption.com

Deborah S. Niles P.O. Box 243 Coffeyville, KS 67337

We are not an adoption agency, we are not registered, we are not licensed, and we are not professional counselors.