BIRTH GRANDMOTHER LENA
Written by Lena (birth mother to Ellie & birth grandmother to a Christian Adoption.)
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
My personal testimony of the adoption roller coaster ride began in the fall of 1999. I spent the months of late October and November in deep despair and depression.
My suspicions about my daughter Ellie, being pregnant had become fact. I didn't want to get up in the morning. I'd cry in my pillow and dread facing the day. Suddenly I knew that our dreams of having an empty nest was going to change. Dave and I had so looked forward to the business trips we were going to take together. I prefer structure and organization and this was throwing everything out of kilter! I didn't think Ellie was mature enough to make responsible decisions. She had a history of seeking advice from poor sources. I thought she'd think, "Gee, a baby may be fun to name and dress up. Everyone in the family can help raise her and spoil her with material things. Cool!"
Through much prayer, support from our pastor and family, I began to face the facts about our situation. Ellie had begun reading a lot of books and prayed about her options. She told us it would be best to place her baby for adoption.
She didn't want us to raise her child, the birth father was out of the picture, and she admitted she didn't have the money or education to make it on her own. This was a hard decision for her and for us. This commitment required selflessness and unconditional love for her baby. She was feeling active movement inside her and wanted her child to have a better future. Ellie loved her baby long before she was born.
When we went to the Dr. for her 1st ultrasound, Ellie saw her beautiful growing child and it upset her. She began to reconsider her adoption plan. She withdrew and refused to discuss anything. However, we all prayed for God's help and Ellie realized she couldn't raise her baby by herself.
We began to look on the Internet for waiting adoptive couples. We found 2 that interested us and we emailed them immediately. One couple responded a few days later, but it just didn't click. The other couple called Ellie that same afternoon and they talked for 2 hours! We arranged to go visit them and everyone hit it off beautifully! We met their church family, visited their friends, family and favorite cafe! This was the couple for Ellie's baby--or so we thought. However, in late January they were contacted about adopting twins ASAP. It was a sure thing, unlike their other 8 failed adoptions. Ellie wasn't due until April and they knew she could still change her mind. So, the couple chose the twin opportunity. Ellie was very hurt, but tried to understand.
Shortly after that, she heard from her old boyfriend, James. This was her first contact with him, since she became pregnant. He was angry and told her he wasn't signing a parental release and wanted a paternity test. If it was his baby, he was determined to spend every last dime he had to get custody. Ellie was so upset. Between his reaction and the other couple rejecting her, she thought that maybe she would keep the baby. Maybe James would split the expenses. However, time passed and not another word from James, so she realized it was silly to think they could work out an arrangement together. We could only pray that God would soften James' heart and do what was right for the baby.
At the 2nd ultrasound we learned she was carrying a girl and Ellie recommitted herself to adoption. Again we began our search for a family that we trusted God would send to us. We tried another couple but they'd just adopted. Our Dr. recommended someone, but they weren't the ones. Ellie visited with a local couple through a friend, but there wasn't any special connection. An adoption agency was referred to us and after 2 visits to the agency--we just didn't feel right about it. They required many visits and consultations before we could even consider their couples. They were very private and protective, which we felt was impersonal and we didn't trust them. We wanted a personal relationship with the adoptive couple and we learned that agencies receive over $20,000 from the adoptive couples using their service. Furthermore, it took some couples 10-15 years to pay off their adoption debt. That meant the child would be 10-15 years old before they were "paid off"! We didn't think that God intended for people to get into such debt to build their family.
One day, I got back on the Internet and went right to Christian Adoption. (We'd looked there before, but we just hadn't found the adoptive couple for us.) There were new adoptive couples listed online at Christian Adoption and one in particular really stood out.
They were just what Ellie was wanting in a couple. They were a young, handsome, childless Christian couple. They lived on a farm and loved outdoor activities. I called Deborah, the administrator of Christian Adoption, and we had an awesome conversation. Suddenly we were convinced that we shouldn't use an agency, but pursue independent adoption. Deborah told me that Mr. & Mrs. Green, had been disappointed 6 times with birthmother matches. They were considering a birthmom that was actually giving birth that day, but she wanted a lot of money from them. They knew that wasn't right or legal, yet they were tempted because they really wanted a child. I told Deborah to keep me posted on their decision. Ellie wanted to call them that night, but I didn't want her to get excited only to be let down again. I emailed them a very brief list of questions about their adoption views. They responded and agreed to a semi-open adoption relationship. They wanted to know more about Ellie and the entire situation. I was concerned that they felt uneasy about us, but I told them a little about Ellie.
In the meanwhile, they talked to Deborah at Christian Adoption.
Surprisingly we received a call from the Greens that night (Deborah gave them our #) and Mrs. Green was ecstatic! She kept saying, "God is directing us to Ellie. I've never gotten a feeling so strong and so right as what we're feeling about Ellie." Our inquiry about them couldn't have come at a better time in their lives. They had declined the other birthmother that wanted the money just before they called us. Then were confident that God had guided them to us. After reading our emails and talking to Deborah, they made a total turn around in their attitude about our requests! They'd love to have Ellie as their birthmother, a new friend, promote a semi-open relationship with us and we came to an understanding. Ellie was the birthmother they were praying for because she came from a strong Christian family. Ellie was also physically similar to them, she attended college, is goal oriented, and takes care of herself. It was obvious that God was bringing us all together through Christian Adoption! We arranged for them to come visit us on Ellie's birthday 10 days later. The next day, I called and canceled our next appointment with the agency.
Our first meeting with the Greens was great! We saw their joy and felt God's love living in their hearts. Ellie felt a calm peace and knew this was the couple for her baby. She bonded with them and knew they'd provide for her little girl (the way she would if she could.) We all anticipated seeing them at the hospital for the delivery and in the future. After all, they were now going to be a part of our extended family--forever.
Ellie made a mistake, a sin of mankind. But God can turn a difficult situation into something that will bring glory to Him. Ellie had a baby...God's creation and God doesn't make mistakes. My daughter and I have grown so much closer in our relationship and we know her baby is being raised with love and stability. I pray that she'll continue to pursue God's will for her life. I'm truly blessed to have experienced God's awesome design of love and happiness. With God's help and through Christian Adoption, our entire family has been blessed!
(Mr. & Mrs. Green successfully adopted Ellie's baby girl through Christian Adoption!)
For more information please read Just a Little Faith.
We encourage you to follow God's loving guidance.
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