CHRISTIAN ADOPTION: Us

"BEEN THERE & DONE THAT"

Written by Deborah.

4.7.97

My name is Deborah and I began to earnestly pursue adoption in the fall of l995, while living in Oklahoma. I soon learned that the world of adoption is a maze with lots of twists and turns. I knew nothing about the adoption process, so I began to read everything I could find about adoption. My goal was to become as informed as possible. I sent applications to adoption agencies (50 domestic and international agencies), but was refused for any 1 of 4 reasons.

1. I was over the age of 40

2. I attended a non-denominational church

3. I was unwilling to pay the average fee (in 1995) of $15,000-$25,000 (the most expensive adoption at that time was $30,000-Russia)

4. I did not want to be placed on a 2-3 year wait list

I became frustrated and annoyed with the systems of the world in adoption. It was a contradiction to my mind to be a Christian, to love God, to long for a child to raise in the nurture and admonition of the Lord--and to be refused over and over again. I kept arriving at a dead end. So, I started my own adoption campaign. I made adoption my "job". I collated adoption files (over 200 were distributed), I posted flyers, I ran newspaper ads, I made personal visits to lawyers, doctors, clinics and I contacted everyone I knew throughout the U.S. and abroad. But mostly, I prayed. And I cried. And I prayed. And I begged. And I prayed some more.

A facilitator in California gladly took $4,800 in exchange for a 2-year contract to look for a child. My criteria was a baby that was Caucasian, Hispanic or American Indian or a racial combination of the aforementioned. The facilitator matched me with a birthmother within a week-YAHOO!

Birthmother Debbi's baby was due late October 1996. The baby was tri-racial: African American, Caucasian and Hispanic. I flew to California to meet Debbi and liked her immediately. I didn't know that she was a "professional" birthmother, and she artfully played on every emotional angle.

"Hey, we have the same name. We're about the same height. We have the same eye and hair color. Would you like to feel the baby? I've already placed a baby for adoption, so don't worry--you'll be a mom by Christmas!"

I began sending Debbi rent money, maternity clothes (she wanted more baggy stuff and jogging outfits--uh, 'cause she wasn't pregnant), toys for her 2 children and more money for groceries and gas (gotta get to those Dr. appointments--NOT). I called her twice a week and she played me like a fiddle.

"Let's talk about baby names today! Do you have a name picked out yet? Is your nursery ready for your baby? I hope you know how much you mean to me to adopt my baby. Scamming adoptive couples is terrible. You do trust me, right? Wow, the baby is really kicking today. I can hardly wait until you get here for the birth."

I had spent months, no...years, praying to become a mother.

She had spent months, no...years, preying on the heartstrings of women just like me.

When I asked the facilitator about Debbi's conversations and in discrepancies, she assured me that everything was just FINE.

The Reader's Digest version is that I lost about, or rather was scammed out of $5,000 to Debbi, plus the $4,800 to the facilitator.

There was no baby, Debbi was just, well...fat.

The proof of pregnancy info was a copy of a copy of someone else's pregnancy. The entire arrangement was a staged scam from the get-go. None of the promises, dreams, implications, plans, conversations, or developing relationship was real. My photo on her refrigerator, that I'd seen when I visited her, was staged. The entire hoax was planned down to every detail.

With one major glitch--Debbi didn't know that she'd been matched with someone who would turn into a bulldog for justice! I called the San Bernardino County Police, the CA Bureau of Investigation, the local newspapers in CA and OK, and many attorneys to take legal action. The only justice received, since there were bigger "fish" in the criminal world as I was repeatedly told, was that I spoke with, explained, and spared the next couple (located in NM) that Debbi had just contacted and chosen to scam. I did rescue them from the anguish and pain of a professional birthmother scammer. There was some consolation in helping them.

The scam worked like this: when baby's due date arrived...Debbi would select a possible option for the termination of her pregnancy.

1. Miscarry late term (no one will fly to CA to see a miscarriage)

2. Disconnect her phone and get a new phone number (no way to contact her if the couple lives out of state)

3. Decide to keep the baby (normal adoption risk)

4. Become extremely ill and the baby dies in uteri-stillbirth (no one would go to see for themselves)

5. Be completely healthy and give birth to a stillborn (no one would confirm it)

I learned about her scam selection list from a young girl that she was training to become a professional scammer. In my case, once she milked the scam for a chunk of cash, she simply disconnected her phone and fell off the face of the earth.

I insisted the facilitator fulfill her contract and she matched me with an Ethiopian birthmother and her newly born baby in Los Angeles. "Pack your bags--your baby was just born! Only one glitch, bring a $10,000 cashier's check to give the birthmother at the hospital." Of course, this was extortion, emotional blackmail, and baby selling. I unpacked my bags, canceled the flight and walked away. (Another couple was found and paid $10,000 within 24 hours, but was extorted for another $4,000 a week later.)

An Oklahoma city adoption attorney offered me a newborn baby a few weeks before Christmas. "You do want a baby this Christmas, don't you? We don't have anyone to adopt this beautiful African American baby girl. It's the Christmas season and we're offering this baby to you, TODAY, for only $7,000." This was also emotional blackmail and baby selling.

I was chosen by a 15 year old birthmother, who was working a scam out of her parent's home.

There was the Hispanic infant in Texas for me to go pick-up--just bring your checkbook along.

Then, another match with a birthmother who came from a well-educated and wealthy background. But she wanted a chunk of cash paid to her directly.

At one time, I was matched with 5 possible birthmother situations. I felt certain that at least 2 of them would work out, so I began preparing for twins. I induced lactation, set up a nursery with 2 cribs and prayed in it daily. But, no matter what I did, still no baby was placed into my empty arms.

I was so exhausted, so discouraged and so heart broken, I decided to quit pursuing adoption. I forced my mind to put aside adoption and try to make sense of the multiple nightmares I'd experienced. My quest became, how can I take these lemons and turn them into lemonade, for someone else.

As a result, Christian Adoption was born. The Christian Adoption ministry was born out of one person's misery of loss, heartache, painful experience, and sorrow.

The Christian Adoption ministry was born out of my misery. Out of my misery, came this ministry.

Christian Adoption is a ministry to help Christian couples and birth parents connect with each other. Christian Adoption is a place for Christian couples to state their beliefs, their convictions, their hopes, their desires and their adoption dreams. Christian Adoption is a place for birth parents to read about Christian couples for adoption consideration.

My motive to help others is simple and honest. Profiting from the challenges, disappointments and tragedies of other Christians is reprehensible. Christian Adoption is a non-profit Christian ministry. I believe in God's higher calling to serve others.

We are born again to serve.

I'm one of those gals that has "been there and done that" in many areas of life. I'd like to help you through the maze of adoption, and I pray for God to lead Christian couples and needy birth parents to this ministry.

God heard my many years of prayer and honored my efforts. He blessed me beyond measure with His perfect answer. God turned the lemons of my life into champagne!

God answers our prayers!

My precious 16 month old Danielle was placed into my arms on 12.28.96. She is 1/2 Vietnamese, 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 Thai; she was born in California.