CHRISTIAN ADOPTION: Empty

EMPTY ARM SYNDROME

Written by Deborah.

It can't be found in any medical textbook, and it's probably not taught in any medical school, but the syndrome is alive and real. I don't know who 'coined' the term. I began using it several years ago to help my husband understand how my heart felt. Some women call it a 'void', a 'hole', an 'emptiness', in their heart and soul. The 'empty arm syndrome' is a term that most women easily relate to and understand. The empty arms of a woman that wants a child almost more than life itself, are filled to overflowing when she is blessed with a child she can finally call her own. New clothes, new hair styles, vacations, aerobic classes, the addition of pets, and the loving support of her husband are a blessing and provide temporary distraction, but nothing can take the place of a child. If a woman with 'empty arm syndrome' acknowledges this great need in her life to nurture and to love a child with every fiber of her maternal instincts, she answers many of her own questions about adoption. I have spoken to so many women that wrestle with this condition, rather than accept it and determine to be delivered by God. God can and does deliver His people, and only He can fill those arms with a child. There is no question that God designed women to be nurturers and lovers of children. (I said designed--that does not predispose that all women are natural mothers.)

Generally, men don't experience this same intensity of emptiness and cannot fully appreciate the void and lack of fulfillment that a childless woman feels. It's not that men don't care or that they are insensitive--they just are not built to have this same depth of maternal yearning. Although their feelings are valid and understandable--they are different. However, for the infertile woman that suffers from 'empty arm syndrome', only a child will fully satisfy and complete her heart and her life.

So many Christian women express a sense of guilt and condemnation because they yearn so deeply for a child. They feel that if their walk with God was stronger, the ache would go away. They express that if they loved more, they would want less. They judge themselves too harshly and wrestle with a sense of weakness, rather than a sense of worth to become a mother. All too often I have heard, "If I could just be more Christ-like I could 'get over' this need to have a child." To which I respond, "Why is it wrong for you to want to be a mother? Why is it wrong to want to love and nurture a child? Why is it wrong for you to have a maternal yearning? Why is it wrong to have your arms filled by God with a child that is unique and special for you? Will you give God the glory and praise for His blessings? Will you teach your child to love God and to serve Him? Will you raise that child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Will you be more fulfilled and more willing to serve God and to love others? Will you be more ready to help others in the same situation? Will you give God thanks and praise for His mercy and grace?" With only a moment of hesitation the answer is "YES!" So, what's the problem? Why the condemnation, the questioning, the wondering about adoption? God gave you as a woman the unique ability to love and to nurture as only a mother can. You were not just born that way--you chose to become the woman that God originally made. One that loves and serves God, seeks to please Him, and desires to be a MOM. When God gives you a watch--don't ask Him what time it is--you already have the watch!

Make the final and committed decision to become a MOM. Determine to become a mother, determine to be blessed with a child--no matter how long it takes. Determine to pray and to wait for God's best for YOU.

I have no reservations when I speak with ladies that suffer from 'empty arm syndrome', "Connect the dots--you are made to be a MOM."

For more information please read Throne and Woman. We encourage you to prayerfully consider registering with our service, and/or writing to us.

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