ALEXANDRIA-2 

Written by Alexandria.

Names have been changed to protect privacy.

4.17.04

I love our Christian Adoption Family; it's a wealth of information and support. As I've read some of the recent Christian Adoption updates, I've been encouraged by Melanie's testimony. She's inspired me to confide in our Christian Adoption Family about my doubts, hopes, and dreams. Today, I'm taking the plunge! I'm taking her advice by putting myself out there and revealing some of my challenges lately. It's so difficult to explain things to people who aren't involved with adoption.

I don't want to appear ungrateful about being blessed with our beautiful daughter Kalen and we're "matched" with birthmother Cassie, due any day with a baby boy. But becoming parents has many fears along with many joys. So although we're so thankful and so blessed about parenting 2 children, I'm still human. 

And although NO adoption is 100% predictable, we reached a level of comfort with our first adoption. But our second adoption is not similar in any way. We don't know a thing about this baby except that we already love him.

Even though we know God led Cassie and her baby to us for a reason, we're concerned about our families. We don't know the health, race or racial combination, and/or the circumstances of this pregnancy. However, we're remaining faithful to God, as we trust in Him for this baby and our families.

We're concerned about being new parents with 2 babies, just a year apart in age. How will a new baby affect Kalen? Have we spent enough time with her? Did we rush into this too quickly? How will our family respond to a bi-racial child? What will our friends and neighbors think? How will we explain adoption to our children? Will we still have time to take care of our parents and their needs? The list of questions can go on and on.

I think every adoption carries its own set of "what if". Kalen's adoption situation was so different. We know how the enemy works overtime to suggest doubts about our decisions.

So I'm admitting that I feel inadequate, scared, apprehensive, doubtful, vulnerable, gullible, dumb, incapable, frantic and many more emotions; they're all jumbled together.

I guess these emotions come with parenting any children, biological or adopted! 

We know we have God on our side (He's the God of the universe!) I'm pushing my mind to keep my focus on Him and I know He doesn't make mistakes.

I put on a stoic face for everyone with ugly questions to make them think I have no fear or doubt. I ignore people when they talk behind my back because they don't understand. At the moment, I'm vulnerable, I'm gullible, I'm scared and I'm human. But I do trust God and remain thankful for my Christian Adoption Family.

I'm praying for this wonderful ministry, for all waiting couples, and for all parents. 

Thanks for listening and I'd appreciate input from the Christian Adoption Family.

In Christ,